A Mutual Agreement
by xxbatteredrosexx
Summary: It has been three long years since Ana and Christian have separated. But when a plea from their young son brings them back together, will it lead to reconciliation or another trail of broken hearts.
1. Three Years Too Long

Song: **Like a Song** By **Lenka**

I can't help the butterflies fluttering in the pit of my stomach or the headache forming between my eyes as I sit alone in the middle of the tiny Italian Bistro. The lights are low and the place is basically deserted, but I feel hyper aware of ever sound and every eye that spares me a passing glance. I am 27 for crying out loud, you would think I'd be a bit more secure about this, it has been three years! But seeing him after so much time has passed, makes me feel as though I am that shy, bumbling girl that fell through his office door.

As the waiter refills my water and I silently thank him, I can't help but think of what my reactions may be. Since our divorce, we haven't spoken and a mutual radio silence has persisted. I have dealt with my feelings, and have no doubt that I can stay composed and not burst into a fit of tears.

However, a small part of me is hoping that he's started to bald and has gained a few pounds.

I recheck my watch and realize he is five minutes late, this isn't like him. Even at the end of our marriage he managed to somehow stay on schedule. Have I been stood up?

"Stop it Steele, just stop it." I breathe out to myself and an older woman sitting across from me gives me a sympathetic look. I try to smile but fail miserably. I recheck my watch and see it is nearing fifteen minutes.

I have no missed calls of texts and so with a tiny sigh of relief, I gather my things and stand from the table. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe I wasn't ready. I place a twenty down even though I never ordered and turn to leave.

I collide with a solid wall of muscle and nearly fall back to the table but two strong arms steady me. Immediately I look up through my lashes, knowing who I am about to find. My skin tingles with anticipation.

"Ana." My name sounds almost breathless on his lips and he is staring at me in the most peculiar way. As if I'm something only spoken about in stories, and at the moment, I wish I was.

###

No one has spoken to me much today, and if they have, I haven't been listening. After the phone call I received three nights ago while putting Teddy to bed, I have been completely lost in my own thoughts. The sound of her voice, the memory of her smile, the look on her face when she had discovered my betrayal; they are memories that have ravaged my mind and made me completely useless.

The only people that know about this lunch are my mother and Taylor. Taylor, because he had to drive me; and my mother because I felt a panic attack come on when I was faced with the idea of seeing her and need her to tell me that it would be okay. Even I felt that was a step too pathetic to take, but I needed someone's reassurance.

She had made it very clear though, this talk was about our son. It was not about us. But I wanted so badly for it to be about us, I wanted more than anything for there to be an _us _once again.

Taylor pulled up to the Bistro she picked out fifteen minutes before it was time to meet. I thought this smart on my part. It would give me time to grab a drink, it would give me time to reconcile the fact that she would be in my life again, and it would give me a tactical advantage to not allow her too much time to fester in her thoughts. Instead of listening in on her conversations with Ted and smiling at the innocence and simplicity of them, I would be having my own with her.

But she has beaten me at a game she hadn't even realized I was playing.

I stand frozen, my view obscured by a wall and the hostess's podium. She hasn't aged a day, and yet so much has changed about her. I can't quite place it, so I just stare until I can. Her hair is the same chestnut color, and flows in soft waves down her back. Her complexion his still enviable and I can almost remember the exact feel of her skin. She is still slender, but Ted aided in the curve department and unlike some women, she retained these new additions long after she gave birth.

So what is different?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and watch in horror as she checks her watch for a second time. She is getting restless and unless I move now, she will leave and I may never get this opportunity again.

I rub my damp palms on the back of my suit pants and ignore the salacious stares of a women more than twice my age. After that Elena shit, that is not a path I will even chance a glance at.

As she turns, the smell of her makes my heart pound faster and when she nearly falls back after bumping into me, I relish my hands being on her and I feel that electric pull that started so long ago.

She looks up at me through her lashes and those crystal blue eyes turn all my thoughts to mush. "Ana…" is all I can manage, and I am not even sure the word is audible.

She quickly gathers her thoughts and rights herself, smoothing down the figure hugging dress she is wearing that is belted with a thin gold chain.

In an instant her astonishment at my presence turns to a frown and then to something a determination. I know this moment is going to end very soon.

###

After what seems like an eternity, I retake my seat and he slides into the seat across from me. The corner we are in is pretty private, but there is enough foot traffic to prevent any funny business. Not that I doubt my resolve with the situation, I just can't take any chances.

"Hello Christian" I say quietly as he continues to stare. It is almost making me self-conscious. The sleeves on this dress are long and the hemline is perfectly work appropriate.

"Ana, it's good to see you." He manages to get out.

This is not the Christian I know. The Christian I know was never so unsure and even throughout our divorce was attempting to dictate everything around him. I don't think this is a pity plow but I need to stay firm, I need to accomplish my task.

The waiter swings by and offers us drinks. I order a glass of red wine and he a bourbon on the rocks, hopefully this will give us the push we both need.

"I am happy you called, I know you want to cut straight to the point…but I am happy this is happening." He says after downing half of his tumbler. I small smile comes to his face and I have to fight myself to let it stay there and not let my inner Kate take over.

"I wanted to speak to you because of Ted. I'm sure he's started to ask you too." I say before taking a sip of my wine.

Christian nods and as quickly as he lost his composure, he gains it back. Not quite boardroom Christian, but something easier to work with.

"I was hoping I had pacified that with our talk," he starts. "I know we agreed to not explain the details of our separation, but maybe it would be easier if he knew why we couldn't be together."

"No." I say curtly.

"Ana, it would be easier." Christian presses.

"What do we say to a four year old? Daddy cheated and mommy couldn't see past it?" I all but snap. "No one wins, either he blames you or he blames me. I don't want that. He looks to you like you are a superhero and I want it to stay that way."

Christian fingers work against his bottom lip and the stubble on his jaw. "I'm not saying we be so blunt. But he asking why we don't talk?, why there are no pictures?, why the holidays are split? He is getting old enough to understand Ana, and he is smart, he is such a smart boy." He sighs and his grey eyes widen with sincerity. "If we don't get ahead of this, then he will come to his own conclusions and no one will win."

His muscles press against his shirt as he straightens and the waiter attempts to sway us into entrées but I haven't the stomach for food, and I don't want to give Christian the impression that this is anything more than a simple discussion.

Christian does not take the hint however, and before I can protest two plates of chicken parmesan have been ordered. It is only after he sees my look that he apologizes and makes to call the waiter back, but I quickly tell him to not worry about it.

"I know he is smart, and I want him to flourish." I take a long swig of my wine before I continue. "That is why this has to stop. You and me not talking, it has to end."

There, it's been said. My stomach constricts at what I have just done. It was easier with him out of my life; there were no emotions to face or awkward encounters. There was him and me, never a we. But that can't happen any longer, as a mother I have to push my own desires aside and do what is best for my son. This distance, this pretending he doesn't exist, it's hurting Ted. No matter what I feel, I have to acknowledge that Ted is one half Christian (sometimes I am convinced it's much more than that), and I cannot deny one without denying a part of the other.

Christian's face breaks into a smile and it grows larger with each passing moment of thought. "Stop smiling like that." I demand, but I feel the corners of my lips turning up too.

"I'm sorry, I just…didn't think this conversation would take a turn in my favor." He chuckles.

"This is not for you." I remind from behind my glass.

"I know."

"We aren't friends." I add quickly.

"I know."

"And there is no way in hell that this changes anything between us." At this his smile vanishes and he leans back to assess me.

"I know." He says quietly.

There is such a sadness in his eyes, that it is almost impossible for me to keep up my no nonsense demeanor, but I do. I can't get caught up again, and can't lose sight of what this is about, Ted. Because when my tears seemed never ending…he wasn't there. I have to remember that he wasn't there, and I don't owe it to him to placate his feelings.

I don't want to be a bitch though, that isn't me. But I know Christian, he can zero in on the tiniest crack and before I know it, I am back where I began. I don't want to be that girl again. I can't be the same girl he married.

"So where do we go from here?" he asks carefully.

"You start picking Teddy up, unless your schedule doesn't permit it, no more Sawyer or Taylor. I'll call your phone when I want to speak with him, I feel bad that Grace and Mrs. Jones are always in the middle." I take a deep breath and expel it slowly before I finish out my thoughts. "And this Friday when Teddy graduates from Preschool…we are going to sit together. A united front, you know?"

Christian leans in and smiles I notice that he wears a thin silver chain now, and it oddly suits him. "I can't thank you enough Ana."

Before I find words, the waiter comes in with two obscenely large plates of food. He quickly refills our glasses and scurries away. Christian wastes no time digging in.

"Don't thank me, just don't take my trust for granted and don't push your limits." I warn before taking a bite. I would never admit it out loud, but this was a very good pick.

"I won't…" he starts, but trails off.

I place my knife and fork down and look at him. "What Christian?"

"I never apologized the way I should have. I never told you how much I cared, how much I still care."

I swallow back the lump growing in my throat.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to me, besides Ted, and I am sorry for all the hurt I caused. I know this situation is entirely my fault. And I… I want you to know that I will not fuck this up. I'll be deserving of it this time." He finishes just as his phone begins to vibrate.

He looks almost relieved as he answers and then a dark look overcomes his features. He doesn't say a word, only ends the call and throws some bills on the table.

"I'm sorry, the Germans I am dealing with just landed a mean blow and I have to move quickly if I am to ensure no jobs are lost…I'll see you on Friday though."

All I can do is nod as he stares down at me with an apologetic look and subtle longing that I have seen in his eyes before.

I breathe out as he moves past me and I am sure the relief I feel at the ending of this awkward encounter is visible. Then he does something completely unthinkable.

His hand lands lightly on my shoulder and he leans into to my face before kissing the place just below ear with the softest touch. I shiver and can't help but feel the charge that moves through my body.

As if he has forgotten himself he quickly makes his way out of the Bistro and I sag into my chair. I throw my napkin on the table and down the rest of my wine.

I look at my phone and see that I am not due back to the office of another forty-five minutes and that I have a missed call from Marcus.

I hit redial and he picks up within the first two rings.

"Are you still alive?" he asks with caution, his irish accent still thick even though he's been stateside for nearly ten years.

"Barely. But it is over and this will be good for Teddy." I say while gathering my things.

He chuckles and asks. "Did you tell him I was moving in?"

"God no, baby steps. But I will tell him soon." I don't want to, I feel he will over react and tryto have Marcus deported.

"Good, I'll see you when you get home love."

"Goodbye Marcus."

I put my phone away and stare at the barely touched food and empty glass of bourbon, I have the most terrible feeling that I have invited much more into my life than I bargained for. But I can do nothing but let this all play out and hope that I can keep the ball in my court.

"Christian Grey, please stick to your promise." I continue to mutter as I make my way through the Bistro, nod my thanks to the waiter, and make my way to my car.

I pull down my driver's side mirror and reapply my makeup, my eyes lingering on the spot he kissed. I swipe my makeup brush over the spot and hope that the pressure will erase the feeling of his lips. But it doesn't…I'm screwed.

###

As I leave her, the pressure of her skin against my lips lingers and the smell of her hair won't leave my nose. I slide into the back seat of the car before Taylor can make it to the door and I stare at my hands. I wanted to tell her that I still loved her, that I wanted to give us another try, but she shot me down and a creature that reminds me of a certain sister-in-law reared its head. But towards the end, I saw it, I saw glimpses of the girl I fell in love with. And it makes my chest ache.

I pull the chain from out of my shirt and stare at our wedding bands and her engagement ring.

I now know what has changed about her and it eats away at me as we drive back to GEH.

She isn't mine anymore.

But now I have a chance to earn her back, to earn my family back…and I will not let this opportunity slip through my grasps.

Friday…it all begins Friday. I say in my head as I smile and head for home.

###

This story is much easier to write than my other one. I hate waiting until chapter blahblah to find out what happened between them. I want everything out there right away so the story could press on from this point. Should I continue or let it die and leave it to your imagination?

Also, Negative Nancy's can exit stage left.


	2. A Concession

Song: **Sweet Nothing **by** Calvin Harris ft. Florence + Machine**

"So what did he say?" Kate whispers over the other line.

"He seemed…amiable. And why are you whispering?" I throw my second choice of summer dress onto the bed and move back to the mess that is my closet.

There are things I don't miss about Escala, and things that I do. The closet is one of them.

"Elliot is in the other room, and he is such a gossip. If it wasn't for the fact that I have seen his penis, I would be sure he was a female." Kate sighs.

I can't help but burst into a fit of laughter as Elliot barrels into the room and begins to protest.

"Get out, if you wake Ava, you are dealing with her." Kate growls.

"Well, just don't say things like that to her. I am not a gossip." He counters. There is a commotion and Elliot's voice booms over the phone.

"Ana, I haven't said anything to Christian. Whatever she says are lies to smear my good name." He nearly shouts over the speaker. I can picture his imposing form holding Kate at bay and the blush on his cheeks. I can't help but laugh harder.

"It's okay Elliot, I believe you." I finally manage. "Even if you did, it's your brother and you are entitled to share things with him."

He sighs and I hear the wailing of a toddler on the other end. "Now you can go console her." says Kate.

"Nope, if you listen closely…" he pauses. "She is clearly is screaming for mommy. Now, off you go and I'll come relieve you of your duties after I speak with my _other _sister."

"I'll be back in three minutes Ana, don't tell him anything." She calls out and I can hear Elliot's hand make contact with her rear end.

I hear a soft click on the other end and Elliot chuckles. "I really need to buy her a muzzle."

"I think she'd sever your arm before you could get within five feet." I caution with a laugh.

"True…but that isn't why I took the phone away. I was going to call you later anyways." He starts. "Whatever you said to Christian, thank you."

I am a bit taken aback by this. "Elliot… I didn't do anything. All we did was talk."

"Could have fooled me. He invited me and dad out on the boat…he hasn't done that in almost four years. The only time he gives anyone the time of day is when he is with Teddy, and although I know you haven't been back to Escala, the guy knocked down a wall and put in a gym." He says rather quickly. "Seriously Ana, there's a rock climbing wall and a therapeutic hot tub. I tried to bribe Mrs. Jones into letting me climb, but Christian wasn't there and she was afraid I'd break my neck. Now he is inviting me to climb with him this Saturday."

"I really didn't do anything. But I am happy your relationship is improving." I offer. I really am happy, but I am still afraid that Christian may want too much too fast. Our relationship has always affected everyone and everything around us, and I don't want that again.

"I hear Ava running this way, so I'll make this quick." He takes a deep breath and exhales a rush of words. "Whatever happens between you two, I hope it works out for the best."

I can feel the smile in voice as I speak. "Thank you, Elliot." His sincerity has always been one the features I liked best about him, and he never ceases to remind me of it.

"See you Friday?"

"See you Friday."

Just then, the phone is snatched away and I hear Kate again. "Your daughter left you a surprise. Go and find it."

"Where?"

"Start in the diaper area." She snickers.

"You are going to get it later." He growls salaciously.

"Promises, promises." She mumbles before shutting the door again. "What did he say?" she demands.

"Nothing of note, just Christian stuff."

She huffs. "Is he trying to guilt trip you into going back? I swear, everyone in that family is still wearing there A&C letterman jackets and I am the only one not cheering in the stands."

"Kate, we were each other's firsts for a lot of things. That can't be erased, and I wouldn't if I could." I want this conversation to die, but she keeps breathing life into.

I flop onto my bed, still in my underwear. I haven't gotten dressed because I wanted to try on dresses for the graduation, but then Kate called and everything derailed.

"Does he know about Marcus?" Kate prods.

"No… but I know I have to tell him."

"Do you think Mr. Control Freak will have a heart attack?"

"I don't know honestly, the truth isn't exactly clear cut." I mutter. "Either I just tell him that Marcus is moving in and he completely freaks. Background checks, face to face meetings, and the potential for a beat down. Or I simply hold off for a time until he sees there is no threat."

"Won't Teddy tell?"

"Probably, but I can always explain it away as a friend in need. And if it comes down to it, I could always argue that Christian doesn't have the right to dictate my household." I know the latter is not an option. He is Teddy's father and he would deserve to know about any people I bring around his son.

"Just tell him Ana."

"And say what?" I question. "Hey, sorry to call out of the blue but I just wanted to let you know my former physical trainer is moving in, but don't worry he moon lights as a drag queen and is only here until his partner vacates his home."

Even to me it sounds outlandish.

"Yes, you tell him just that and don't give an inch."

"That's just it Kate, I shouldn't have to explain myself. He should just trust me."

"He does, but he is the way he is."

I jump at the sound of knocking at the door and realize its past five and Teddy is back.

"Shit, Kate I have to go. My child is back." I tug on a white t-shirt and pair of black yoga pants.

"Okay…be brave Steele." She encourages.

I make my way to the door. "You make it sound as if I'm headed into battle."

"You might be. See you later girl."

"Bye Kate." The line goes dead and I throw my phone on the couch.

When I open the door a little cannon ball leaps into my arms with a grin and a new toy. He has my eyes, but everything from the hair to his expressions are pure Christian. I kiss his mop of copper curls and ask him if he had a good time, to which he begins a long ramble about everything he did. From brushing his teeth to helping Mrs. Jones with washing the dishes; not a detail is missed.

"Ana." He greets me with a small smile and I attempt to return the gesture, but I know my face probably looks awkward and I give up. I also shouldn't focus on the tightness of his shirt or the way his cargo shorts hang off his hips.

"How was everything?" I ask.

"Never a dull moment." He laughs as Teddy disappears into the apartment. "He thought Taylor didn't like him anymore when he didn't walk him up."

"Poor Teddy." I smile.

"More like poor Taylor… the little guy nearly broke my heart when he apologized to Taylor for not being a good friend." He runs his hands through his hair and we stand there in the most uncomfortable silence.

"Daddy," Teddy says while peaking from behind my waist. "Come see my toys!"

Christian bends down and reaches out for him. "Oh buddy…I have to get going. You and your mom need to spend some time together."

"No, mommy can make us milkshakes. You've never seen any of my toys." He pouts. But it's a lie, Christian has seen his toys…he's bought most of them.

Watching them interact, I am torn. I want this new relationship to flourish, but I don't want things to go too fast. But when he turns those blue eyes on me and begins to plead, I am a goner.

"Come in Christian, you've never seen our place." I move to make room for him. "You two go play and I'll make a snack…assuming you two have eaten dinner?"

Christian stares at me with mouth slightly agape, before Teddy pulls him forward.

"We ate at gramma and grandpa's house mommy. Can I have a chocolate one?"

"Yes. You too?" I ask Christian before he can disappear into the whirlwind that is his son's room.

"Yeah, that be great."

I watch them disappear and scurry off to the kitchen where I collect myself. I am not nervous about Christian judging the apartment. I love this place, and it happens to be in the same building that Kate and I shared an apartment. I am on the very top floor and the apartment is much larger than my old one, but not nearly as large as Escala. There is a lot of exposed brick and the tall windows let in the most beautiful light in the morning. Every room is larger than needed, but I wanted Teddy to have plenty of space to play and I work too hard at Steele Publishing to just let the money sit there. My living room has a large black sectional and matching ottoman. All of the furniture in my house is Cherry oak and the television that hangs on the wall is obscenely large, but it was a housewarming gift from Elliot so it was graciously accepted. The main floor plan is open concept so I can keep an eye on my son, while cooking in my kitchen filled with stainless steel appliances and art deco inspired hanging lights.

It's a bit surreal that Christian is here. But the sound of my son's laughter makes this concession worth the subtle undercurrent of tension.

I scoop more than half of the tub of ice cream into the blender and top it off with chocolate milk. It doesn't take long for it to blend together and I fill two tall glasses and one small one before topping it with chocolate sauce.

When I go to warn them about the milkshakes melting, I find Christian in the corner and Teddy scribbling on papers with crayon.

"Do I want to know what's going on?" I say as I step into my son's room.

His walls are painted blue and his bedding and furniture is dinosaur themed; but after discovering Netflix, the room will soon be Foster's Home of Imaginary Friends…whatever that is.

"Daddy purgerized himself and he had to go to jail." Ted states in a matter of fact manner.

"Is he getting out any time soon?" I ask.

"Only if someone posts his bail." He continues to scribble furiously. "He already got his one phone call to Taylor, and Taylor is coming back for an hour.

Clearly he has been spending a good amount of time with Carrick. I hear Christian snickering in the corner and I decide to play along.

"Well, can I play his bail?"

"Yeah mommy." He looks up and smiles. "Cash or bong?"

I lean down and kiss his cheek. "It's bond dear." Christian laughs out loud.

"How much?"

"For daddy?"

I nod. "Two dollars." He decides.

I look over at Christian who is casting us discreet glances and march over to him.

"Cough up two dollars so I can pay your bail."

"That's cheating mommy." Teddy protests.

"It's not against the law Mr. Lawyer. But if you want your milkshake you will accept the money."

"Okay." He concedes and I turn my attention to his father.

"I only have fifties." Christian whispers.

"Then give me one." I smile.

He hands over the bill, and I am careful that we don't touch or that I look him in the eye.

I hand over the bill and he pushes a piece of paper towards me. "Sign and he can go now."

I scribble my signature and take him by the hand so that he can deposit his fifty in his piggy bank and we can collect his prisoner.

"Come on daddy." Teddy demands, grabbing him by the hand as we lead him back to the kitchen.

They settle on two stools facing the counter and I retrieve their milkshakes from the freezer. I take the smaller of the three glasses and lean against the counter across from them.

"This is good."

"Thanks."

"Mommy always makes good milkshakes, except for last Sunday's…that wasn't good mommy."

I laugh into my glass and take another sip.

"Why wasn't it good?" Christian asks.

Teddy sets his glass down and turns to him. "She, she used coffee ice cream. It tasted like dirt."

"Clearly you've never tasted dirt before and you were the one who begged for it."

He shrugs his little shoulders. "I didn't know."

"I thought you didn't like coffee?" Christian asks with raised brow.

"I don't, I like caramel flavored espresso drinks and Starbucks makes it into ice cream form." I clarify. "I still prefer tea."

He smiles and returns his attention to his milkshake and conversation with his father. I can't help but just watch them interact. I haven't seen them together since he was one.

Christian leans in and whispers into Teddy's ear.

"Do you promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Okay." Teddy slides off the stool with a little help and Christian hands him his milkshake. He then proceeds to leave me for slaughter and turn on Netflix kids.

"What did you say?" I can't help but be curious.

"I told him if he went and watched some tv, I would never let you give him coffee ice cream again."

I roll my eyes. "Of course he can be threatened with food."

When I turn my gaze back to him, there is something dark and brooding in his eyes…shit. I almost forgot about the eye roll thing. I ignore his look and rinse out my empty cup. Within the blink of an eye he is next to me.

"Ana, I'm sorry about the restaurant. I crossed a line, I forgot myself. I don't want that to set us back." He quietly says, his hand so close to mine that I can feel the heat of his skin.

"It's okay Christian, let's just move forward." I look up and his face is impossibly close to mine. "I enjoyed seeing you with Teddy."

He smiles that crooked smile and I have to look away. "I love him more than anything."

"Even your rock wall?"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah, he told me he couldn't climb it without you. He was very upset." I chuckle in an effort to break the intensity of his gaze.

"You spoke?"

"He took the phone from Kate and told me that you and your family are working on your relationship. I think that is great Christian." I smile up at him. "You deserve to have a good relationship with them without our situation influencing it."

"We were a wrecking ball three years ago, weren't we?"

"A natural disaster." I agree.

He leans against the counter and takes me in. "I know I am opening myself up for something, but I need to know. How are you doing it?"

"Doing what?"

"Tolerating this, my presence? You made me a milkshake for crying out loud, and it did cross my mind that you may have poisoned it or something."

I outright laugh. "I'm trying, why can't you just accept that?" He's poking at something that hasn't resolved itself.

"The way we ended…it was harsh. How have you moved past it?" he asks.

"Why are you bringing this up? I thought this was a good step for us." I argue.

"Please Ana, give me something."

I'm angry at him; this wasn't supposed to be about us. "You're afraid that I've moved past our situation, past you." I hiss so Teddy can't hear.

"I just want to know what you did to move past this."

"So you can too?"

"No," he snapped. "that isn't why."

"Then why Christian?" This conversation is exhausting and I'm done with it, but I am met with silence.

I take a step closer so Teddy won't hear and wait until he looks at me. "I accepted the fact that this wasn't entirely your fault. I accepted that although you definitely took on the starring role when it came to stupid mistakes, I was right there playing a supporting role. You may have did what you did, you may have been the one to break the camel's back…but I wasn't making the burden any easier."

I take a deep breath and continue.

"The memory of us hurts, the memory of us makes me want to cry, and I had to face the memory us to get to this point. Maybe you do too."

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

I step away from Christian and quickly wipe my face. Luckily, Christian steps in.

"Mommy had something in her eye and I was just trying to get it out." Christian picks up Teddy and gives him a kiss.

"Is it better now? Do you want me to kiss it?"

I smile at his innocence.

"I think it will be all better once daddy goes home." Christian gives Teddy a big kiss and hands him over to me.

"Thanks again Ana. I'll see you Friday."

I nod and we escort Christian to the door before I take Teddy and ready his bath. I can't help but replay our conversation over in my head. He looked so shell shocked when I admitted my feelings, but I know this isn't over. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster that hasn't yet reached the top, and my stomach is sick over the impending fall.

"I like playing with daddy. Can I go to the toy store tomorrow and buy something?"

"With what money?" I feel it's important that Teddy not grow up feeling entitled to things and not becoming one of those snooty children he goes to school with. I want him to have a sense of awareness about money but his grandparents, Ray and Carla included, don't make it easy.

"With daddy's bong."

"Bond." I correct. I don't want him repeating that in school, who knows what the teacher's may think. "And you only keep the bond if daddy doesn't show up for court."

"So if I have court and daddy doesn't come, I keep the money?" he questions with a book of fairytales in hand.

"Yes."

I can see the gears in his head turning and when he turns to me with that crooked smile, I know he is up to something. But I let him keep his secret.

When the story is finished and he is asleep, I shuffle to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine before retrieving my phone to look through emails. There are a few texts from Kate, but they can wait until tomorrow; I honestly don't want to deal with her heavy handed advice. I do however answer the one from Marcus.

**M: **I think another queen stole my Ariel wig.

**A:** How do drag queens sort their differences?

**M:** The usual, switch blades or Madonna sing offs ;)

I burst into a fit of laughter.

**A:** You could always scratch her heels up with a dinglehopper…

**M:** Now you are thinking like a queen! I knew we'd be soul sisters.

**A:** Don't say that around Kate.

**M:** I know I'm dramatic, but that girl doesn't like me. She's going to shank me one of these days. Prison Yard Politics…

**A:** You were both drunk, maybe next time you each take a sober approach? You are both so territorial! I am not a tree to be peed on!

**M:** We wouldn't dare. Besides, you have already been marked.

**A:** Don't start.

**M:** Fine, but I can't wait to meet him at the Graduation. I'm going to wear my expensive makeup for that. None of that cheap covergirl shit.

I think about telling him what happened earlier, but I'd rather keep it between us. There are too many people in my ear as is. I just want to sort this out myself. Besides, I have to focus on introducing Marcus in a way that won't make Christian completely over react. But there is no way to do that without seeing him face to face and I am too much of a coward for that at the moment.

**A:**Well at least one us is excited :(

**M: **It'll work out. You Poor Unfortunate Soul…

**A:** Okay, you've had enough. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

**M:** Night Love. 3

**A:** Night

I answer one or two emails about potential conventions and whether I will be in attendance, and then decide to call it a night.

My room is large and my bed is covered with cream and sage green linens. I turn the lights off and bury myself beneath the covers. It's late June, but the central air keeps everything nice and cool.

My eyelids feel heavy and I am just about to succumb to sleep when my phone chimes that I have another message.

"I'm going to break all your eye shadows Marcus." I grumble, fumbling for my phone.

**C: **I'm never going to get it right, am I?

I stare at those nine words and try to formulate some sort of response that will reset this situation but instead I do something I know I shouldn't. I respond honestly.

**A: **Stop trying to rereading the story of us and start a new chapter.

His response is instant.

**C:** Chapter Two?

**A:** Chapter Two. Goodnight Christian.

I rebury myself under the blankets and don't look at the next text. Either I just told Christian to move on, or I told him there was still an us. Both prospects make my stomach knot.

###

"You're an idiot." I growl into the phone.

Elliot laughs. "What the hell did I do?"

I strip off my shirt and start the shower. "You told me to ask her, and I did."

"Did she yell?"

"No, she was honest." I sigh.

"How is that bad?"

"She didn't yell at me or blame me the way I thought I wanted. She said she was responsible." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I wanted her to get it all out. During our divorce, she completely shut down, all I wanted was a reaction and to know that she blames herself…"

"Christian, she doesn't blame herself for you cheating. She blames herself for the things leading up to it." He whispers.

"Why are you whispering, Elliot?"

"Because, if Kate hears this then I am not getting any for a long time." He laments. "Listen, I'm not getting into the middle of this, I have too much to lose."

"You already are." I snap.

"Well, now I am out. Talk to her. But baby steps Christian. You always try to run before you can walk and you never learn your lesson.

I hear Kate mumble something and Elliot begins to whisper again. "I gotta go, at least think about my words. And don't tell her I said anything. They both think I am a gossip."

"You are." I assert. He snorts and the line goes dead.

The look on her face, her words; they jab at my gut. I want to know why she feels that way. I was the one who ruined it all. I want to talk to her, without her shutting down. I want to fix this but I can't until I figure out where it all went wrong. I want to call Flynn, but it's late.

But I just can't leave it be.

As dry off, I grab my cellphone and begin typing without much thought to what her reaction will be. I can't keep trying to anticipate what she will do, I just need to do what I think is best and hope it doesn't blow up in my face.

I hit send and pray for the best. I also pray she hasn't blocked my number.

I sit on my bed and wait. Thirty minutes go by until I get a response, but her words make it worth it. There is hope yet.

That night, I have no bad dreams.

###

No idea what HEA meant, I thought you were all insulting me until I looked it up :). I will say that this is not your run of the mill cheating story that I keep finding on here. I hate how black and white those stories make the characters out to be and in this story both of them are victims of each other's actions in some way. I could say more to soothe those who feel I am going to go down the same path as everyone else, but in the words of River Song "Ah, ah, ah. Spoilers."


	3. The Preparation

Song: **Drink the Water** by **Eisley**

My hair has been curled with a large barreled curling iron and is pinned to the side so that it all falls over my left shoulder. My makeup is light and the dress I have chosen is a vibrant blue color that is reminiscent of my eyes. It is modest, yet not matronly; it's fitted with thin straps until it hits my midriff and then the skirt flares a bit with the hemline hitting just below the knee. The chiffon material is airy and a perfect fit for a summer graduation.

As I pack the last of the balloons into the box with Teddy's graduation gift, my nose starts to tingle and my eyes prick with tears. He's grown up so fast and before long, my little buddy won't be so little any more. Especially if he takes after his father.

Teddy was the reason I didn't completely fall apart during and after the divorce. Knowing that I had this life to protect, that I had someone that was going to look to me for comfort; it gave me a second wind when I was so close to falling to pieces. As much as I hate to admit it, Kate wasn't the pillar I thought she'd be, Carla was more interested in what I'd get from the divorce, and I barely spoke to Ray for fear that the wrong word would send him to Christian's door step. No amount of generosity during his accident or reasoning could convince him that Christian was not the villain who broke his baby girl's heart.

Sadly neither of my parents will be here today. Ray has been sick these past few weeks and says he won't be able to travel, and Carla…well Carla is Carla and I accept what I get when it comes to her. She doesn't concern me much, even though she is physically absent she never stops sending Teddy postcards and factory manufactured Native American _artifacts. _Teddy delights in his little presents, but he wouldn't be able to pick her out of a line up.

Ray is a different story. He's been concerning me and I don't believe the _'oh I think I may have Lyme disease._' as much as I would like too. When I first divorced, Ray stayed with me when he could, and the connection they have is only rivaled by the connection Ted has with his father. When Ted asks about him, I am at a loss. I could parrot what Ray has told me, but even though I don't know the truth…I know I'd be telling a lie.

We still have a fishing trip planned for September, and he has yet to cancel, so I will use that time to unlock my inner Nancy Drew.

There is a rapid succession of knocks and I quickly dab my eyes. He'll never let me live it down if my mascara is running.

I barely have the door cracked before he is barging in and assessing me.

"Well someone is trying to get kicked off the PTA." He chortles, lifting the fabric of my dress and letting it float back into place. "Very nice choice love. You are going to get a lot of dad's in trouble today."

I roll my eyes and step away. "I thought I asked for Marcia today."

"Marcia is not a woman that can be summoned like some craigslist hooker." His irish accent always seems to thicken when discussing his night time persona. "Besides, I could see the headline now '_Publishing Tycoon and Billionaire Playboy Invite Tranny Tag Along to Son's Graduation. Pictures on Page Six!'"_

"And you'd look pretty in all of them." I assert.

He laughs and I follow him into the kitchen and sit at a stool as he pours himself a coffee mug of wine. I give him a look and he brushes it off with a flick of his wrist. "It's only alcoholism if I do it alone and I am sticking with the morning theme." He wiggles the mug and takes a sip.

"Your logic is flawed." I laugh, but I am happy you are here. With my parents not here and Jose shooting Japanese cosmetic ads, it's nice to have someone there for me. Otherwise I would be drowning in a sea of Greys, and I haven't felt like one of them since a very strong disagreement with Grace shortly before filing for divorce.

"You have the manners of a cow, aren't you going to remark on my morning beauty?" he flutters his eyelashes.

I smile. Marcus is tall and lean, but the soccer he plays on the weekends and his trainer job keeps him with good muscle tone. He has the bone structure of a model and the hair of a Weasley kid. He has often been asked if he is a model, and I hate it when I'm there to witness him burst into a giggling fit. If only they knew how much trouble he was with an inflated ego, they would take pity on me.

"Stunning." I say as he pretends to swoon.

I should also note that he is dressed very smart. Wearing well cut Banana Republic trousers and a plum oxford cut shirt, he is in for a lot of attention from the divorcees. I am in for a long day.

He points to the large box on the dining table wrapped in sparkling blue paper with a big green bow.

"It's his surprise." I say, getting a bit giddy in my seat. I can't wait to see his reaction and the best part is that no one knows so the surprise can't be spoiled.

"Still not telling?"

"Nope."

He washes the mug out and I love that he is going to be a clean roommate. Even if it is only for the summer.

"Did you tell him I'm coming?"

"No." I mumble. It'll be a day of surprises.

"You had a full week to say something. Instead you ignore any text that doesn't mention Teddy and you forcefully suggested that Christian pick Teddy up from his last day of school so you didn't have to see him." Marcus scolds.

"I just didn't want another conversation like the other day." I conceded a bit of the truth to him the other night so I don't have to keep it to myself. "He wanted to know how I forgave him… he wanted answers."

Marcus leans over the counter. "You keep saying this is about Teddy, but I think there is a lot more too it." His perfectly plucked brow draws up. "In truth, you don't want a peaceful reconciliation."

"Of course I do!" I snap. "Why wouldn't I want my son to grow up without the lingering tension between me and Christian?"

I feel as if he is accusing me of something, and I want him to just spit it out.

"You're afraid Ana," He asserts. "and I know why." He teases, slash sings.

"Why?" I demand, but I already know the answer. I just hope he misses the mark.

He huffs and comes to stand behind me. He places his sharp angled chin on my shoulder. "Because suddenly, after three long years, Christian is a possibility again and you aren't ready for that."

Bull's eye. I'm not sure if he is talking about the fact that Christian will now be an integral part of my life, or the fact that he could want to be more. He's right though, I am not ready for either; especially after our last talk.

He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. It's sticky and wet.

"Ew." I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. "Are you wearing lip gloss?"

He pats my shoulders and saunters towards the door. "Very cherry my love."

"It's Eleven'o clock in the morning." I call out.

"It's never too early for lip gloss. Now up with you. We have to go see our little man's big day!"

I hop off the stool, grab my clutch, phone, and camera. I then check on the chicken I left to marinate in the fridge and the mac and cheese. My baby demanded a home cooked meal and he is going to get it.

We link arms after I lock the door and set the alarm. No matter what, this day is about Teddy and I tell Marcus to bottle his inner Oprah up so that I can focus on that fact. I have the rest of Teddy's life to face the issues Christian and I have. I think thirty is a perfect age for Teddy to see a reconciliation.

###

Ana got his birthday weekend, so I got graduation. It was a fair tradeoff seeing as I got most of Easter because she got ill. I have to say that I am pleased with the current situation. Although Ana has all but avoided me, I still have hope and it lies with the little boy standing on the stepstool next to me.

Teddy has decided to join me while I shave. He has smeared the blue tinted foam all over his cheeks and is _shaving_ with spoon he stole from the breakfast table. I make a mental note to remind Mrs. Jones to let it soak longer than the others.

"Are you and mommy friends now?" Teddy rinses his spoon and sets back to work cleaning up the foam as I continue to shave.

I glance down at him and answer in the kid friendly way I know he'll be receptive to. "Mommy and daddy are working on becoming friends. We want you to have a strong family."

I want so much more than a friendship, but Elliot is right about the baby steps thing. Although I will not admit it under any duress.

"Will you come to my house more?"

"Possibly."

"What if you came to live with me and mommy. Then we could play all the time and mommy can make us milkshakes." He suggests.

I sigh. It's moments like this were his innocence cuts into me like a knife. I can still picture the life I saw for us all in that big house on the sound. Now I am reduced to every other weekend and few days of quality time with my only son.

"Mommy and daddy can't live together, because we still have things to work on."

"Like what?"

I wet a washcloth and set to work cleaning his face. "I did something bad and mean words were said." I try to explain.

He is trying to wiggle out of my grasp but I don't let him. "Then say you're sorry daddy. Or you can go back to jail."

"Mommy told me you spent my bail money on Star Wars legos. So you aren't allowed to put me back it jail." I smile at least that line of questioning was easy to dodge.

"Well aunt Marcia and I like playing legos. She even teaches me songs as we play." He says, making a production out of jumping off a one foot step stool.

I rinse my face and pick up my growing boy. "Why haven't I met this aunt Marcia?"

True, I only know of Kate and the photographer, I am still curious about the people Ana associates with.

"You will, she is coming to graduation with mommy." He wiggles out of my arms and begins to dress himself.

At the request of my mother, we are wearing matching suits. But I don't think we need matching attire for people to tell that he is my son. The suits are navy, with crisp grey oxford shirts and matching navy ties.

"Do you want me to sing you one of the songs aunt Marcia sings to me." He asks, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt before I take over. I am have already belted up in my trousers, and my baby boy needs assistance.

"Is there anybody going to listen to my story. All about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl you want so much. It makes you sorry. Still, you don't regret a single day. Ah girrrl." My little boy sings the familiar Beatles tune and if he was older (or Elliot), I would have sworn he was mocking me.

"Maybe, maybe we try a new song?" With his shirt tucked in and belt loops done right, he hops onto my bed and puts on his navy socks. They match too.

Without skipping a beat he begins and I am startled and amused by the words coming out of my son's mouth. Who is this Marcia?

"I was born on the wagon of a traveling show, my momma use to dance for the money…" he is interrupted when my phone chimes and buzzes all over the nightstand.

I finish with my shirt and cuffs before I glance at the number and answer.

"Twelve o'clock, right Christian?" my father says over the phone.

"Yup, seats will be saved and things like this never start on time so don't rush." I say.

Ted slides on his jacket and holds up his tie for me to do.

"See Grace, I told you. Now calm down, we won't be late." He chuckles, and I can hear my normally very calm mother, in a tizzy on the other line.

"Well I want time for pictures and you know Kate can't read a watch. They better be on time or so help me…" she trails off. "Tell Christian we will see him in thirty minutes if you stop driving like my elderly mother is in the car."

I smile at their banter. "I'll see you guys soon."

My father says his goodbyes and I finish with Ted's tie before sliding on my jacket. I hope the weather stays decent because this dress shirt isn't as loose as I would like for it to be.

"Daddy, put your tie on." Teddy demands, waving the thin strip of fabric at me.

I suddenly get an idea.

I tell him to hold on and disappear into my closet. When I emerge, Teddy has tied my tie into a knot and is hitting the bed post.

I gather my little boy in my arms and make for Taylor and Grace, who are also dressed up and attending the ceremony.

"Look at you two." Gail smiles. "It's like someone put you in a dryer and shrunk you down Mr. Grey."

"My greatest accomplishment." I beam and bounce Teddy in my arms.

"Yeah, but daddy isn't wearing the right tie." Teddy pouts.

I place him down and move to the mirror that is in the hallways. I knot the tie in my hand with a slight tremor and a crooked grin. She isn't bold enough to react in public, but I know this will get a reaction one way or another. I adjust the silver tie with its embossed design and take a deep breath.

If you won't make the first move, then I will. I tell myself that I am only using this as a conversation piece, if you will. But I know that I am telling myself a very half assed lie.

You can't run forever, Ana.


	4. Graduation Day

Song: **Soon** **We'll Be Found **by** Sia**

Teddy is bouncing in his seat and I am afraid the seatbelt won't hold for much longer. But I must admit that I am just as eager to watch my little boy graduate. Although Ana doesn't approve when I 'throw my money around', it was quickly decided (via email) that Teddy was ready to start school early and that donations were an acceptable method of getting an early admission. Teddy has always been tall for his age and with his personality, our fears over bullying were quickly squashed. However, I did make my presence aware at a gathering of teachers and parents that Ana couldn't attend. The school Teddy attends is very elite and many of the parents work in the financial district; I made it very clear that any child who decided to pick on my son would soon find themselves with unemployed parents.

Needless to say, Teddy had seven play date offers by the end of the week.

I did not tell Ana the details, but she was comforted by the fact that Teddy would have an easy time settling in. It gave her more time to focus on work and Teddy an outlet for his voracious appetite for knowledge.

"Daddy, when can I have my present?" he inquires, twisting his tie in his hand.

My brow cocks upwards. "That is very presumptuous to assume I have gotten you a present." I state.

"Pree-zump-cho-us?" he tests the word with a befuddled look.

"Over stepping your boundaries, being too forward."

"Daddy, I haven't stepped anywhere. We're in a car." I corrects.

I laugh at my son and ruffle his hair. "It's a figure of speech. But you'll learn that soon enough."

He props himself up as the Inglewood Country Club comes into view. There are large bouquets of white and navy balloons at the entrance and upon driving up the curved drive, I see a large white tent where the ceremony will take place. There are only thirty or so kids in the Preschool program, but the tent looks as if it is ready to house a full circus.

When we pull up to the entrance, I assure Gail and Taylor that it is okay to leave the car with the valet but Taylor doesn't trust the gangly teen whose voice hasn't quite reached maturity. To be honest, I don't either. He seemed a bit too eager to touch my new Tesla Model S and I will not dampen my day with the threat of the scratch.

We say our goodbyes to Taylor after Teddy makes them promise to come back. Immediately we are swarmed by the Headmaster Regina Ford, and the head of student affairs Gordan Marks. I can see the dollar signs in their eyes already. I pull my son closer to remind them to have some decorum.

"Mr. Grey, it's such a pleasure to see you." Ford grins, reaching for my hand and shaking it firmly. She is a short woman with a petite build, and a short grey bob.

I know from experience that she is not as meek as she looks. When we faced the school board, she was a formidable ally against the parents that felt Teddy would hold their children back intellectually. Needless to say, if there was a ranking system for preschool my son would be near the top, and I am sure this fact was just the cherry on top of my generous donation.

"Headmaster, Mr. Marks, a pleasure to see you as well." I smile, knowing the affect I have on her as she grins harder. "I commend you on your choice of venue."

I don't. Although the county club is large and well decorated with its rich cherry oak bars, chandeliers, and French furniture that is not truly meant for sitting; it is an overpriced choice and I know it is more of display of wealth rather than a benefit for the children.

"Hello, Mr. Grey. I am pleased that you have found the time to take part in our little gathering." Marks says quietly with a downcast gaze while readjusting his glasses.

"Of course I would _find _the time to see my little boy. I wouldn't miss it for the world." I assert as gently as I can without sounding hostile.

Mr. Marks is a tall but nervous man who can never seem to meet my gaze. He is about the age of my father but his nervous disposition has seemed to age him further. He seems timid around men and a bit frightened of the children when they are in large groups, but I am sure he feels this part of the job is a small price to pay for his cozy desk job planning events that involve little interaction with anything but a webpage or a phone.

I find him extremely odd and I avoid shaking his hand.

"Well I hope everything is to your liking Mr. Grey and I hope to see you at the Fall Fundraiser this year. Brighton Academy is lucky to have young Theodore among our ranks and I hope to see him again this school year." Her smile tightens, and I can tell that she believes I am ready to jump ship after a picture of Teddy on the playground was released this past March. I am still not happy about that incident, but I do not fault the school. However, she does not need to know that and maybe it will back her off my checkbook.

More parents are arriving and there are families already amassed on the veranda where drinks and food are being served. I smile as my exit strategy quickly formulates. "Well headmaster, I don't want to keep you and Mr. Marks all to myself, if you will excuse me…" I begin to lead Teddy away. "I will see you at the ceremony."

"Yes of course." She seems a bit taken aback by my non answer but I don't care.

Teddy turns as he walks and waves. "Bye Headmaster, bye other man." He smiles.

I go to scoop him up in my arms but he pulls away a little bit. "No daddy, not here. I'm a big boy."

I settled for a ruffle of hair and pull him in close. "You'll always be my baby boy."

"Even though I sleep without a nightlight?"

"Yup."

"But I don't wear diapers anymore."

"That changes nothing." I smirk.

We step out onto the veranda where the waiters with hors d'oeurves are numerous and there are small bars in every corner. The weather is holding up quite nice. Sunny but with a refreshing breeze. Past the big tent, there are a number of putting greens and I know it won't take long before my father decides he is long past due for a round of golf.

Plots of trees sprout up here and there, creating a more dimensional landscape. But no matter what way you toss it, it's a golf course and I would bet money the school gets some sort of discount every time a parent signs up for a membership.

I bend down on one knee and straighten his tie. "Would you like something to eat before you have to line up?" I know this is a silly question, he is always ready to eat.

"Can I have a cheeseburger?" he smiles.

I shake my head. "Think smaller."

"A slider!" he happily answers. He's so excited by the prospect that I don't want to tell him that I wasn't asking a question. He peaks around me. "Do you want a slider too Taylor and Gail?"

I straighten up and to greet Taylor.

"We're sorry Mr. Grey." Gail huffs. "Taylor practically parked in the neighboring town so the car wouldn't have any neighbors."

"I've already told you Gail, it's not a car, it's the future." Taylor corrects. He then adds with a smile aimed at Teddy. "And I would love a slider, but I don't think this place has them. But I do see fried mac and chees fritters. Want to give them a go?"

"Yeah!" He grabs hold of Taylor's hand. "And I see some of my friends. You can meet them if you want but you're _my_ friend okay?

"Roger that little sir." Gail takes Jason's free hand and smiles.

"Are you coming too daddy?"

"You go on with Taylor, I am going to go find grandma and grandpa." I reassure him.

"And mommy?"

I feel my smile begin to slip, as I remember the tension that I created last I saw her. "Yup, and mommy."

I wave him off as he leads two grown adults in the direction he sees fit and go back to the entrance. While Ford is occupied and Marks is nowhere to be seen, I escape the entrance and walk off to the side to wait for my family and check some emails.

I hear her giggle before I see her. She must have opted to park her own car, she always felt bad making the valets fetch it for her. She is wearing an airy blue sundress and her hair drapes over her shoulder in a waterfall like manner. She's gorgeous.

I narrow my eyes as a tall red head runs up from behind her and grabs her ass and she lets out a short yelp. I can feel the heat rising to my face and the grip on my blackberry is painful. She turns to him with such a carefree expression and laughs as she pushes him away. He comes back in close and wraps his arm around hers as they talk and laugh.

I'm going to kill that bastard if he doesn't get his hands off of her like that. I want to punch his nose through his skull. But I remain immobile and just continue to stare.

She isn't mine anymore, I have to remember that. But even with our past pushing against us like a strong current, I can't help the ache in my chest seeing her so happy.

They almost pass me with their heads together snickering like schoolgirls, but her eye catches something.

"Christian." She says quietly in greeting.

I give her no time to introduce me to this asshole grinning beside her and immediately move my feet towards her.

"I need to speak with you. _Now_." I try to give nothing away with my expression, but she's staring right into my eyes and I know they are betraying me with every emotion I am trying to conceal.

"Christian, maybe after-" she starts.

"It's important."

The man unknots his arm from hers and kisses her temple, looking me dead in the eye. "It's okay. See you inside love." He says in a thick irish accent.

I don't watch him leave, but she does. She looks like someone about to get eaten by a pack of wolves.

###

He's so mad and I feel guilty for some reason. Why?!

We aren't married, and until a few days ago I hadn't seen him in years. He has no right and now he's marching away and leaving me to traipse after him. I barely get to say hello to Mrs. Ford. Before he leads be into an unused banquets hall with no tables or defining décor. I shut the door and lean against it as he paces. I chance a look at the clock and see that there are only twenty minutes left before line up and the ceremony start.

I will not miss my son's graduation for an immature spat.

When he turns to me, I see it and my blood damn near starts to boil. I begin to rub my wrists furiously to knock the memory out of my head.

"Who is that man and why did you bring him to our son's graduation?" he demands, still a good distance away.

I roll my eyes. "His name is Marcus, he is a friend, and how dare you drag me here for a fight." I say through my teeth.

"Do you let all your friends slap your ass in public?" He growls.

"Only on Fridays." I snap. "And you!"

"Me what?" he cocks his brow.

"That tie? Really Christian, of all the stupid pieces of fabric you chose that one. What the hell is your problem? Did you think I'd remember all the great memories and spread my legs to you?" I accuse. My heart is beating in my throat and I can barely manage the words.

"No, I would never think so little of you!"

"Then what? Did you want to get a rise out of me, did you want to argue?"

"Yes!" he grounds out.

"Why?" I demand an answer.

He moves too swiftly for me to react and before I know it, his hands are planted firmly on either side of my head. "Because Ana, at this point I'll take anything." He admits in a more even tone of voice. "If you don't want to talk to me then fine; but you can't blow so hot and cold, you can't get my hopes up and then just stop."

I let my head fall back onto the door to look up at him. He's right. Not about getting mad for Marcus's ill-timed and ill-mannered actions, but about us.

"I'm sorry. I know it was cowardly, but I couldn't help it. I have dealt with this in my own way and I'm just not ready to relive it all by telling you how. And it won't help anything." It's all I can offer. I'm not ready, and I don't think I ever will be. Because after all this time, he doesn't get it and until he opens his eyes to the problems we had before our divorce, I am afraid he won't be able to process the truth of us.

When his forehead leans against mine, I shiver. "Please, just don't shut me out." He pleads quietly. "You don't know what it did to me."

I close my eyes and breathe in. Instead of taking in air, I take in him. His clean scent, his remorse, his hope for what it ahead of us. It made me dizzy.

"Ana!" Christian has his arms around my waist as I find my footing once more.

I try to push away but he holds me steadfast. "I'm fine. I was so excited I didn't eat." I admit. "And before you scold me, yes I know I should have."

"Well as long as you know." He makes sure I am steady and looks at the clock. "We should go before our son sends Taylor after us."

A small smile forms on my lips. "You're right."

I straighten my dress and wait for him to open the door but he just continues to stare.

"Before we go out there, I am sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that way when I found out you had a boyfriend."

My mouth falls open a bit before I start to laugh. Although I think it a great step and quite big of him to at least pretend to be okay; I think it is going to be a sight to see his reaction to Marcus.

I leave the room first and I am thankful there is no one there to think that we are doing something shameful. When we step back onto the veranda Christian gathers up a bunch of breaded mozzarella ravioli and hands them to me.

With a quiet thank you, I begin to eat and by my last ravioli, I spot that purple shirt and the little man of my life.

I also spot the Greys standing with them.

"Mommy!" he squeals. I catch him just in time and take in how grown up he looks.

"You look so handsome." I say with a kiss on the cheek. "Excited?"

He nods. "Taylor and Gail gave me fried macaroni and grandpa said he got me a savings bond." He pulls me down and leans in to whisper into my ear. "But I think they got me a real present."

"That's not nice, you should be happy with whatever they give you." I quietly reply. I look around for Gail and Taylor, and see them already sitting under the tent.

"Okay. Marcia said I could wait a bit and cash it in and buy half the toy store. But I don't think we have enough rooms. Maybe we can put some at daddy's house."

"Possibly." I don't like giving definitive answers when I see his brain start working so hard.

"Daddy, do you want to meet Marcia?" Teddy says with an about face.

Christian looks unsure as he doesn't spot the thing he is looking for.

Teddy motions for Marcus to come closer. "Daddy this is aunt Marcia, and this is daddy." He introduces with a grin.

The confusion is evident and when Elliot comes up and claps him on the back, it all comes together for him.

"You are Marcia?" he finally manages. The look on his face comical.

Marcus flutters his eyelashes. "For today's purposes my name is Marcus. But you can call me whatever you like." He grins.

I leave the four of them laughing and walk the short distance to Kate, Ava, Grace and Carrick. I need to get this over with and keep a smile on my face.

I greet Kate, and a sleeping Ava, first with a hug as she watches Marcus with hawk eyes. I then tilt my head in acknowledgement of my ex in-laws. Grace and I make eye contact briefly, but she doesn't make a move to engage me and neither do I.

"I am so happy you both could make it." I start. "Without Ray and Carla, it's nice that he has some grandparents here." The smile on my face hurts but I keep it there.

"We are happy to be here." Carrick grins. "I don't think Teddy is amused with our present. Hopefully the new bike and Mia's Parisian surprise waiting for him at our house makes up for it."

I roll my eyes. "We are creating a monster."

"Yes, but Christian told me about his little stint in jail, so maybe we'll have another little lawyer in the family. Monsters make for great litigators." He chuckles.

"Grace." Someone a stone's throw away calls out, and I am relieved when her and Carrick excuse themselves with the promise to see us at their seats.

"Ahna." Ava reaches her arms out to me and I gladly take my god daughter into my arms. Her curly blonde head settles onto my shoulder as she plays with the fabric of my dress.

"Hi little one." I coo as I rock her back to sleep. She is quite adorable in her pink frilly dress and shiny white sandals.

"What do you think they are talking about?" Kate moves in close once the in-laws are a ways away and engaged in another conversation.

"Marcus: makeup, Teddy: food, Elliot: the rock wall, and Christian looks a bit speechless. He thought Marcus and I were together."

"Was it bad?" she prods.

"It was resolved." I smile. "Besides, this day is for Teddy, we shouldn't argue throughout it."

We watch the four of them interact and when Marcus puts his hand on Elliot's arm, I think Kate is going to lose it. I quickly hand her back her child in an effort to pacify her.

I few months after my divorce and a week after I met Marcus; Kate, Elliot, Marcus decided that I needed to go out and I must admit that I had more fun than I thought I would. That was, until Marcus began to flirt with Elliot and Elliot played along a bit too well. Kate's mood put a damper on things.

But in all honestly, I do think they disliked each other from the get go. Maybe Marcus was right about the tree and the pee thing. But it is still gross.

"I wanna scratch his face." She sneers.

I sigh. "You guys are too much. You know you are all going to have to sit down to the same meal tonight, right?"

"Steele, you are killing me. Wasn't I enough?" I think she is joking, but I am not sure so I don't answer the question that we both know the answer to.

"If all of our little preschoolers would line up at the door. Parents and family please take your seats, the ceremony will commence shortly." The Headmaster announces with a vollume I didn't know she was capable of.

I tell Kate to go find our seats so that I can walk my baby to the door.

Marcus and Elliot leave with parting high-fives and Christian and I escort our child to the door to line up. As the majority of the attendees make for the tent, the remaining parents are given cap and gowns in navy blue with white tassels for the children.

As I zip up the gown, I feel tears forming again.

"Mommy, don't cry." A little hand wipes at my eyes.

"Okay." I sniff quietly as I place on his cap. I kiss him on the cheek. "Good luck little one."

Christian leans down and kisses him quickly too. "See you soon baby boy."

"Okay, but hurry so you don't miss it." He scolds before waving us off goodbye.

We move down to the tent in silence and take our seats. Marcus sits to the left of two empty seats and Elliot sits to the right.

I narrow my eyes at the both of them and they pretend I don't exist.

Christian and I sit together; looking ahead at the podium and rows of bleachers as our son enters with the star spangled banner playing over a hidden PA systems.

In that moment, as I watch our son complete another mile stone, I can't help but sneak a look at the man beside me. Despite our differences earlier, I am happy that I am sharing this with him. Because no one but the father of my child could feel the same level of pride as I do. But as the tears well up in my eyes again as Teddy takes hold of his little diploma, I realize that I am not just crying because of this moment. I am also crying because when he was lying in my arms as a baby, this was not the vision of the future I had for us. And for the first time in three years, I allow myself a tiny moment to mourn all those lost dreams.

I have a gut feeling that there are going to be many more moments like this as long as Christian is in my life, and I don't like the way it stirs those terrible feelings that I had so long ago.

It is taking everything in my being not to move away to gain some distance from these feelings. I can't let these feelings win. I can't go back, I won't go back…

###

This day is a happy day, and I should be content with just sharing this moment with Ana. But I want to hold her hand. I want to wipe those tears from her eyes. But it's not place.

…I want so badly for it to be my place once more.

**So shout out to Nina for taking note of the songs, and thanks for all the positive feedback. I promise you will learn more about what went on between A&C. But we must first travel up the roller coaster to go on the real ride. I will say, the first puzzle piece of their demise will be revealed in the near future in the form of a former in-law.**


	5. A Graduation Surprise

Song: **I Go to Sleep **by **Sia**

"That went better than I thought it would." I say with a smile, pulling the macaroni and cheese from the oven and taking in its mouthwatering aroma. The chicken is sautéing in a deep pan, and the sweet potatoes are slow cooking on the back burner.

"Yeah," Kate says after a sip of her wine. "would have been better if you had left your little friend at home."

I sigh. "You two really need to figure it out. Because whether you like each other or not, neither of you are going anywhere."

Kate shifts on her feet and watches Marcus, Elliot, and Teddy playing Mario Kart on the Wii. Ava is sitting on Elliot's lap with the tv remote in hand, imitating their actions.

"You only ever hang out with him Steele." She pouts. "Everything is Marcia this, and Marcus that."

"You have a toddler, and a husband, and a career. Who am I to take you away from all that?" I set to stirring the sweet potatoes.

"You're my best friend." She argues. "I know things got bad after the divorce, but…"

"Kate you were M.I.A." I correct. I see her face fall and any tension brewing between my shoulders dissipates. "I love you Kate, you know that. But you know why Marcus and I are so close, and you know that you have no one to fault for that."

She crosses her arms and sets her features to a frown. "Still, you spend more time on the phone with him than with me, and he's moving in." she says. "I just feel as if there should be some loyalty."

Her tone is a bit snide, and I feel as if she is trying to make me feel bad for the relationship fostered in her absence. It's moments like this when I feel older than her even though we are the same age. She didn't even have Ava yet when she fell off the face of the earth. And the conversations we did have consisted of her telling me what I should do instead of actually listening me. She didn't mellow out until she had a baby, and it wasn't by much.

I think that's the main difference between Marcus, Kate, and Christian; instead of trying to dictate my actions, he simply gives his opinion and lets me make my own mistakes. We then wait for Teddy's weekend with his father and drink ourselves silly on the living room floor while watching old musicals and lamenting bad life decisions.

I will never look at West Side Story the same again.

I start placing the chicken on a dish and turn off the burners. "I'm not apologizing Kate. Not again." I pick up the dish and motion for her to grab the mac n'cheese. "Now grab that dish and follow me to the table or sit here and pout."

I don't wait to see if she follows; because I know she will.

The boys are so wrapped up in their game that they pay us very little mind, and I think Ava has fallen asleep again.

With all the hot dishes plus a large garden salad and basket of bread set on the table to fill the air and entice them to their seats; Kate and I move back to the kitchen to grab the plates and glasses. My phone buzzes on the counter and Kate is quick to sneak a peek at the name. I grab it and silence it. It's work and it can wait.

"It's not Christian." I say to dismiss her conspiracies.

"Speaking of…so you and Christian, you are really going to try and be friends? Kate whispers.

Whenever Teddy is around we always resort to quiet voices so that he's not negatively influenced by the things we may say about Christian.

"Just friendly."

She gives me a look and before I can shut her down, she starts in on me. "He doesn't know the meaning of _just friends_ when it comes to you. The way he looked at you at the graduation Ana…it's not the innocent way you are pretending it to be."

I finish straightening up the plates and go back into the kitchen for the pitchers of water and ice tea. She follows and grabs the wine.

"I just don't want to see him hurt you again. I think this is a bad idea." She confesses.

"Kate, I know you are just saying what you think is best but I am not that girl who thought the world began and ended with Christian. We had our issues, and I really do claim my share of the blame…"

"Blame for what?" she hastily whispers. "He's the one that refused to listen to you, you tried Ana and no one can fault you for giving up on him when he decided to ignore your feelings."

"You make it so black and white Kate and you know there is more to it. And he is the father of my child." I snap back.

"Don't cry to me when he stomps all over your heart again."

"Don't worry, Marcus will be there." I counter, turning on my heels and marching to the dining room table.

"Dinner is served!" I announce before Kate can say another word.

She seems to know everything but when to stop and I am not going to be run over in my own home.

Elliot sets Ava on the couch to sleep and builds a mountain of pillows around her. He then sits beside Kate; and I am sandwiched between Teddy and Marcus. We are across from each other and I think even my little boy can sense the tension.

"This looks amazing Ana." Elliot breaks the silence and begins shoveling mac n'cheese onto his plate. He then passes the dish to Kate, who immediately passes it to Marcus. From this point on, I am choosing to actively ignore one of my best friends'. And with her death glaring me across the table, it isn't all that hard.

"He's right Ana. I am so happy that you suggested this Teddy." Marcus says after taking a bit of each dish.

"You suggested this little man?" Elliot says with mouth half full.

Teddy nods his head and digs into the food I placed onto his plate. "Mommy's made this before, it's my favorite. But I don't want salad." He says with a face.

"Just a little?" I try to encourage.

He takes a large bit of macaroni and smiles up at me. It's a no.

"So why couldn't Christian make it?" Marcus asks with a sly grin and I could slap him for bringing up that name after the conversation I just had.

"Daddy had to go back to the office to deal with the Germans." Teddy informs him. "But he said he'll have dinner with me tomorrow."

Elliot smiles at Teddy. "Rock wall?"

"Yup!"

While they begin to discuss their Saturday adventures and Kate turns her attention to a stirring Ava, Marcus leans in whispers. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Same old same old." I whisper back. "Feels like I give you more attention, thinks I'll run back to Christian." I wave my hand in a gesture of dismissal as Kate walks back with a very awake Ava in tow.

"Hi baby girl." I say over the table as Kate spoons some sweet potatoes onto her plate and begins to feed her daughter.

"Hi Ahna." She smiles with a mouth full of food.

Teddy asks for more chicken and I cut it up for him. "Hi Ava." He grins.

The little girl is too busy with her food to respond.

"How are your hands so sticky? You've been using a fork." I say, trying to wipe away the stickiness with a napkin, but I quickly give up. "Go wash your hands real quick or else you are taking a bath."

In a flash he is out of his seat and skipping off to the washroom.

Elliot leans in with a smirk. "Just out of curiosity, how did you get Sawyer to agree not to rat you out?" he asks. "Clearly Christian didn't know about Marcus, and we didn't tell. But he's probably already run a background check and questioned Taylor as to why he didn't know about him."

Before I can answer, Kate and Marcus blurt out in unison. "He hit on her!"

"Seriously!" I scold. "It wasn't like that, he apologized, we've moved on, and you cannot tell Christian."

Elliot laughs. "Christian always did have fears about you two…guess he was right."

I roll my eyes, I would never do that to Christian but I figured some thoughts like that would arise after our divorce. But Sawyer is Teddy's protection, and the one thing I whole heartedly agreed on in the settlement. Sawyer is not to be around when Teddy isn't with me…but I know that wouldn't stop Christian from using him to keep tabs on me.

I quickly try to explain. "I was upset, he tried to console me. While I was married I always looked at him as sort of a confidant within our little bubble. He probably knows more about my reasons for leaving than Christian." I say, with an eye out for Teddy. "He misconstrued my friendly actions, but he quickly apologized and we decided to forget about it. Two years later and we are perfectly fine, and he is engaged." I finish with a smile.

"Ana, you sneaky little thing you. You blackmailed him into keeping your secrets." Elliot accuses with a smile and a wink.

"Oh please Elliot, Ana had every right to move on after Christian. And she should be able to do it without feeling like the government is after her." Kate interjects.

"Here, here." Marcus says while raising his wine glass.

"I'm not saying that she doesn't have the right to move on. I was just curious, and now I know why he never asked me any questions. But you know Sawyer is probably getting reamed out by Taylor and Christian." He chuckles again.

I cringed. "I hope not."

If Sawyer gets fired then there goes my privacy.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him." Elliot assures.

"Thank you." I say, to which he quickly replies.

"Don't want his mood going to shit before I get up that rock wall a few times."

"How chivalrous of you." Kate mumbles, cleaning Ava's face off.

He beams. "I know, right?" Elliot leans over and kisses her on the cheek and despite her resolve, color rises up her neck and she smiles at him.

"Ew." Teddy says with a face, rejoining the party.

"How do you think you got here little man?" Elliot says with another mouth full of food.

"Storks." Teddy bends over and looks at Marcus. "My egg was blue, mommy's egg was pink, and Marcus's egg was rainbow." He finishes with a smile.

"And what a fantastical rainbow I was." Marcus smiles and we all laugh.

Marcus does not even spend that much time with Teddy, but it is clear that the influence is strong and I will have to keep a close eye out when he moves in. Heaven forbid I should have my four year old scolding me about the color of my shoes not going with my blouse.

"Yup," Elliot agrees. "That is exactly how it goes. I was green, Mia was yellow, and Christian was grey."

I choke on the sip of water I just took and Marcus starts patting my back like a child

"Why is daddy grey? He likes the color blue?" Teddy asks, completely oblivious to his choking mother.

Elliot shrugs. "Because everything in his office and home is either black, beige, or grey."

"Oh," Teddy laughs.

The conversation continues light from that point and even Kate abandons her lackluster attitude, joining us in for a laugh when Marcus regales us with his tales of backstage drag queen antics.

When the food is half gone and everyone has had their fill of food and drink, Marcus and I clean up the dishes and cover the left overs up.

We then move into the living room where the rest of the party has moved off to. I take the opportunity while everyone is occupied with Teddy attempting to teach Ava how to play tennis on the Wii, to sneak off to my room and grab Teddy's present.

When I emerge, I am sure Teddy and Ava have broken the Wii remotes as they drop them to the floor and run to me with arms outstretched.

"Mine." Ava grins, following me to the coffee table that is the refurbished stump of a good sized tree. Teddy counted the rings once, but he only got to sixty before he got bored.

"No Ava, I graduated today. But I'll share." Teddy goes to the table and leans over the present with its blue paper. He looks to the other three adults. "What is it?"

Marcus shrugs. "She wouldn't say."

"Don't know little buddy." Elliot adds. "Kate probably wouldn't have told me anyways."

"I don't know either Teddy." Kate says with a sideways glance at Elliot. "And you would have, you told me about my Christmas present on Thanksgiving."

He gives a sheepish look. "I was just excited."

"Speaking of excitement, if Teddy doesn't open up that box I am going to tear it open myself. She's been so mysterious about it." Marcus uncrosses his legs and leans in.

Teddy looks up at me with large eyes. "Can I open it?"

"Yes!"

He rips the bow and then the wrapping paper. When he opens the box, balloons float out with long curling strings and Ava's attention is immediately lost the helium filled objects. Teddy looks up.

"Look, it's Buzz, and Sully, and the old man from the balloon movie!" he laughs before peering back into the box.

He pulls out some tissue paper and a large Woody doll which he quickly says thank you for before digging back in. He pulls out a few more items: Mickey Mouse ears, a t-shirt with goofy, and some candy. He then pulls out two objects the size and shape of credit cards with Tinkerbelle and Cinderella's castle. "Look Mommy, they say our names."

"Look, there's more." I encourage.

He digs a bit deeper and after finding two plane tickets and four different Disney brochures and a Legoland brochure.

"I'm going to meet Mickey?" he asks excitedly.

"We're going to meet Mickey!" I laugh as he runs into my arms and hugs me around the neck.

"When?!"

"One month from now."

He kisses me on the cheek and wiggles out of my arms; planting himself on the floor to look through the brochures and park maps.

"I can't believe you didn't invite me?!" Marcus scoffs. "You know it is my childhood dream to have a sing off with Cinderella."

"You are going to Ireland that week and I was already going to be in Florida for a conference."

Marcus frowns. "It's only for my grandmother's hundredth birthday and I am sure that old bat won't even know I am not there. You know she threw holy water on me when I was fifteen..."

We start to laugh.

"It wasn't funny Ana! I was wearing silk and suede."

"But you were so excited about showing up as Marcia and then leaving to party in London with some friends." I really didn't know he'd want to go so badly otherwise I would have bought him a ticket.

"You!?" Elliot exclaims picking up a piece of fallen candy and popping it into his mouth. "I've never been to Disneyworld. Babe we gotta go." Elliot begs Kate.

"You are such a liar, I saw your childhood pictures. You've been."

He shakes his head. "No, that was Disneyland, this is Disneyworld! Two different things Kate. Two different things."

"We can't just infringe upon their mommy and son trip." Kate scolds.

Teddy pops his head up. "You guys can come. But can daddy come too?"

My smile wavers a bit. Although I would love for more adults to tag along and talk to, I don't know if it is a good idea for Christian and I to be in such close quarters for so long.

"Well buddy, daddy has work and may not be able to attend." I try to explain.

"Oh," he says before turning his attention away again.

I sit next to Marcus and sink back into the cushion. "If you all want to come, I am absolutely okay with that, but Marcus should probably go see his grandmother. You never know how much time you have with someone."

Marcuse leans his head into mine. "Ana, I've already told you. She's never going to die, she isn't human. I'm still convinced she's a gargoyle come to life who stole my mother when she was only a babe."

"It's your choice." I shrug.

"You can dress up as Merida!" Teddy interjects.

"But I'm Ariel, you've seen the costume." Marcus reminds.

"Yeah, but you both have the accent." He says sweetly.

"Teddy I'm Irish not Scottish and that's racial profiling."

Elliot let out a loud guffaw before schooling his features and turning to Kate. "Seriously Kate, I'm getting the dates from Ana and I'm booking the trip. If you don't want to go then Ava and I will send you a postcard."

"I didn't say I didn't want to go!" Kate protests. "I just have to see about getting the week off. Not all of us can be our own bosses."

Elliot slaps his knee and moves down to the floor to look at the brochures with Elliot. If it wasn't for the maturity of Elliot's voice and you closed your eyes, you would assume two four year olds were having a conversation.

I gather Ava in my arms as she chases the string of a balloon around and pull it down so she can play with the face.

"Boy!" she exclaims.

"Buzz" I correct.

She hugs the balloon and laughs. "Zzzzzz."

Kate lets out a long yawn and stretched her arms above her head. "Okay you two, let's hit the road."

"But I'm reading!" Elliot moans.

I stand with Ava and tie the balloon around her little wrist so she could take it with her. I know Teddy won't even miss it. "Now." Kate says again with a bit sterner voice.

Elliot gathers himself. "Bring those tomorrow little dude." He instructs.

"Okay," Teddy happily agrees.

Marcus and I walk them to the door with Teddy shouting his goodbyes from the floor.

Elliot hugs me and winks at Marcus before taking Ava from my arms. Kate leans in for a hug and whispers. "I'm sorry for earlier, I really do care."

"I know. Call me tomorrow night, I have a lot of work to get done Sunday." I say before we bid last farewells.

With the door shut, I move into the kitchen and Marcus immediately rolls up his sleeves and begins to help with the dishes.

"You know, I think Kate was right." Marcus says with a raised brow as I pass him dishes to load into the washer.

"About?"

"You, Christian. He clearly has a game plan and whether you realize it or not, you need to be prepared." He continues.

"I'm not as weak as you and Kate are trying to make me. I know what I want. I'm not going to get hurt again." I state resolutely.

He rolls his eyes. "Things change and the way he was looking at me at the graduation, I thought I was a goner. He stared at you whenever the ceremony got boring and all you did was move closer to me like a shrinking violet."

"We…we have a lot of history and I know things like that don't just go away. But I can't go through that again. I can't pretend like the things between us didn't happen."

"Then don't. Talk to him."

"You can't talk to him, he just…the second he hears something that he doesn't want to hear he shuts you down. He tries to cover it up with a present or sex or a halfhearted sorry. He likes things his way and after Teddy it got worse."

"You make the sex sound tortuous, when I know it wasn't Ana. You told me." He smirks.

"Yes, under duress and we said we wouldn't discuss it again." I mumble, throwing a glance over at Teddy and seeing him still completely absorbed with his graduation present.

"Still Ana, I doubt he wouldn't jump at the opportunity to win your affections again. Especially after he hears about your little fling with Dr. Trouser Snake."

We place the last of the dishes away and start the machine. "I don't think either of us talking about the love affairs we've had the past three years is a good idea."

He places his hands aside either side of my head and brings me in to kiss me on the forehead. "I will support you no matter what you do. But if it's fate then no matter what tango you both decide to do, you'll end up together."

"But what if I don't want that?"

"The fact that you asked that question means that you might." He smiles. "Just play it by ear and let things flow. Stop fighting the current or you might drown."

"I'm pretty sure Ariel will save me."

"She'll be too busy flashing the sailors."

He skips off and scoops Teddy off the ground. "When you get back from your dad's I'll be all moved in."

"Can we build a fort?!"

"The best fort this state has ever seen."

"Okay!"

He sets him down and hugs him before gathering his keys and wallet.

"Sure you don't want to stay the night?" I ask.

"And give the sneaky bitch a chance to unpack my things again, not on your life." He kisses me on the cheek. "Meet me tomorrow at my house at eight sharp."

"See you at ten."

"Good girl." He chuckles. "Bye Ted!"

"Bye Marcia!" he waves.

With the door locked and secured, I turn my attention to my little man.

"Okay, it's getting close to bed time and we should clean this up a bit." I gesture to the mess of Disney I basically created.

He drags himself off the floor and helps me repack everything except the balloons and brochures. I then direct him to his room where I help him dress in Toy Story pajamas and wash his face.

"Mommy, can I sleep with you and watch Netflix." He asks, and I can't refuse that face.

I tuck him into my bed and go into my bathroom to wash my face and place on a t-shirt and yoga pants. When I return Teddy is talking animatedly on the phone and recounting every detail of graduation. I can only assume it's Ray since Carla already called.

"Yeah, I got a diploma and everything." He says. "Daddy was there and Mommy and Kate and Uncle Elliot and grandpa and grandma and Ava and Marcia."

He pauses. "Yeah, here's mommy… I love you too."

I take the phone and go into the kitchen, with the promise to return with popcorn.

"How are you dad, I called last night but it went to answering machine?"

"I'm good Annie, just working in the yard and on a Teddy's bookcase graduation present." He says. He sounds so tired and there is something more that he isn't saying. But I know he hates phones and I won't get much out of him until our face to face.

"He's so excited for our trip at the end of summer." I say to keep the mood light. "We can't wait to see you."

"I miss you guys too." He says. "So, how did you and Christen fare?"

I sigh, placing the bag of extra butter popcorn in the microwave. "We are in a better place. We haven't actually talked things out, but we are talking for the sake of Teddy and that is really all I could ask for."

"Well, as long as he doesn't try any funny business, I'm happy if you guys are."

He starts coughing hard and I wait until he gets it all out. "Dad that doesn't sound good, are you sure you don't have something?"

"I'm sure Annie, but I hear that popcorn popping and my grandson is waiting to start his movie. Told me about Disney, I think you are in for a night full of singing animals."

I glance at the clock. "He won't last through the first chorus."

He chuckles. "Send Teddy my love."

"Absolutely. Bye dad, I love you."

"Love you too Annie."

The line goes dead and I have to collect my thoughts before dumping the popcorn into a bowl. I recheck my phone and see an email from Carrick earlier in the day.

_To Ana,_

_See you on Monday at ten with those papers._

_Carrick_

I quickly respond with a yes and a thanks. He is doing me a huge favor and I am thankful, but I don't think we can carry on in such secrecy for much longer.

"Okay Teddy, did you decide on a movie?" I smile upon entering my room and finding my baby boy sprawled out across my bed.

I tucked him in and placed him on his side of the bed, after I shut off the tv and snuggle beneath the covers.

I smile at how well my surprise went over and kiss my son. I can't wait to go on vacation, I haven't been in so long. But I hope he doesn't feel like he's missing out on something because Christian isn't there.

###

My body feels like a lead weight, and I can't move my feet. But they keep moving, further and further away from me.

"ANA! TEDDY!" I shout with enough force that it feels as if my throat is on fire. "I'M SORRY, COME BACK!"

Why won't they listen, why do they keep walking away. I feel like the air is being torn from my lungs and my heart is being gnashed into nothing.

Everything is closing in, and the wounds on my chest I had thought long heeled over begin to seer.

I am screaming, pleading, but they won't listen. They don't hear me.

Through the watery veil of my eyes I see them move further and further away until there is nothing left and I am all alone. Crying like a child, I wrap my arms around myself and crumble to the ground.

Everything goes dark before I wake with a start, tears running down my neck and soaking my pillow.

I grab my phone and hit speed dial. When she answers her voice is thick with sleep and I know I shouldn't have called.

"Christian?" she mumbles over the line. "Are you there?"

"Yeah," I answer after a long pause. "I'm sorry Ana, I shouldn't have called."

"Is something wrong Christian?" she asks with a bit more alertness in her voice.

"No, just a dream…I'm sorry." I feel a bit ashamed and selfish for putting her in this position. But the sound of her voice has evened out my breathing, and my heart isn't beating so rapidly.

"Don't be. Your son just kicked me in the ribs so I wasn't that asleep." I can hear the smile in her voice and it has the same effect on me.

"I thought he dislocated my shoulder once."

"When he was two, he gave me a black eye and I had to assure everyone that I wasn't in an abusive relationship."

"You win." I chuckle. Now that I have her on the phone, I don't want to let her go. "So, what did you get Ted for graduation?"

"A trip to Disneyworld." Then she quickly adds. "I was already going to be in Florida for the conference and you already approved Teddy going with me and so I decided to turn it into a present."

She sounds apprehensive, like she is gearing up for a fight. But she won't find one tonight. "My boating trip can't compete with that." Is all I say. I can't believe I never thought of Disney.

"He'll love it. Anything that involves you he loves." She reassures me with a yawn.

"You're tired, I'll let you go." I say apologetically.

"We can talk until you go to sleep. I know it's hard for you to go back to sleep after..."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Marcus is moving in." she says.

I chuckle at my conversation with her eccentric new friend. "I know, but he promised to only teach our son tasteful songs." I chuckle. "You know he sung me Cher?"

She giggles, and I cherish the sound. "Oh Marcus… he really is a good guy."

And thank goodness he's straight I think to myself. "I believe in your judgment, Ana."

"Thanks Christian."

I am lying on my back and staring at my ceiling when the question comes to mind and I decide not to stop it. "Do you think we could all do something together?"

"Oh," she says with a pause. "I don't know if we should give Teddy a false impression."

"This whole thing was for Teddy. I think it will be good for him." I gently press, hoping she will relent.

"What do you have in mind?"

"You, me, and Teddy at the aquarium. Maybe lunch." I suggest, and before she says it I know she is going to say yes.

"Next Saturday is okay." She relents. "And stop smirking; I can see it through the phone."

My smirk widens into a smile. "Saturday it is."

She doesn't say anything more, and neither do I. I fall asleep to the gentle sounds of her breathing; smiling at all the sudden possibilities.

**I hadn't realized how much time had gone by between chapters (sorry). So I will deliver another chapter sometime tomorrow night and I promise some revelations. This chapter kind of got away from me. **


	6. A Talk

Song: **Flow** by **Transister**

I have just settled into my office with two Starbucks cups and an apple danish still in the brown wrappings when my PA Madison pops her head in the door.

"Can I get you anything Ms. Steele?" she is a tall red head with long hair and lots of freckles. You would think she was related to Marcus but luckily she is not. She's only a year out of college and reminds me a lot of myself, but she is a bit more smiley than me and her cheery disposition is welcomed so early in the morning.

"Thank you Madison but I think I have everything all set. Could you just make sure that when Mr. Grey comes in we are not interrupted." I say as I set to work organizing the files I am pulling out of my bag.

She gets a little giddy at the door and doesn't move.

"Is something wrong?"

"No." she says quickly. "I mean, your ex-husband hasn't seen the new office and I know you tell me not to read those gossip rags, but you both looked so pretty together at graduation and-" I've never known anyone to speak so fast but I feel the need to dash her dreams before she gets carried away.

"It's not Christian, it's his father and he's been here before." I sigh. "Now Madison go get some breakfast and take a few deep breaths."

"Yes Ms. Steele." She smiles brightly before shutting the door quietly.

I am barely settled in my seat when there is a knock on the door and Carrick enters. I place his coffee and danish closer to him and open the lid of my earl grey tea for it to cool.

"Your brightly dressed PA was nowhere to be seen and so I hope you don't mind—" he starts.

I wave the notion away. "Of course it's no problem. I told Madison to go get some food. Hopefully it will calm her down a bit." I laugh.

"She is a ball of energy." He agrees, taking a sip of his coffee and bending down to retrieve something out of his briefcase.

"She's terribly smart, and she kind of reminds me of Teddy. When I have to bring him into the office, they usually latch onto one another and it's a win/win for all." I say, taking the thick stack of papers from his hand and taking in the obscene amount of red markings.

"Speaking of, where is my grandson?"

"Called last night and asked to stay and extra night at Christian's. Sophie is coming over and they plan on playing video games or something." I smile at the thought. Although they are far apart in age, they make the cutest best friends.

Carrick takes a bite out of his danish and wipes the crumbs away from his slate grey suit. "I took a few looks through those terms and agreements and you were right, there is definitely some fancy footwork going on there." He says with a frown.

I feel my lips press into a hardline and begin scanning the notes he has made. Steele Publishing is taking its ventures into e-book territory even further with our new partner website . It is a platform for writers to place their work online for critique and comment. Every genre will be represented and there will be few rules other than the usual (nothing hateful, bigoted, or inflammatory). For our end, we will place ads on every story for revenue and keep an eye out for the original works that are garnering a lot of attention. Along with encouraging people to develop and continue with their writings, the company brings in revenue and we may be able to find a few best sellers in the mix.

However, I made it perfectly clear to our legal department that I did not want to lock anyone into something that would keep them tethered to Steele Publishing. They have every right to retain ownership of their work and even if an offer is placed to them, they should retain the freedom to reject it and go to another publishing company.

This is where Carrick comes in. He's been my go to guy for the past two years and he has been a gift from the gods. I have replaced the head of my legal team twice because of him, and he jokes that when he readies for retirement that he may want the position. I wish he wasn't joking.

"Those terms and agreements effectively sign away that author's right to that work. You can do what you want with it and if you were to place an offer for publishing, they wouldn't have much negotiation room." Says Carrick. "With one little check of a box, their basic freedoms are stolen from them."

I inwardly groan at the inevitable talks I am about to have with legal. "I really can't thank you enough for going through this Carrick. This is the complete opposite of what I want. I don't want to garner the reputation of stealing from authors. No one will trust us. No decent writers will even blink in our direction for publishing." I chew on my bottom lip for a moment. "I was intentionally lied to and someone is getting fired."

Carrick nods with approval and smiles. "Who would have thought you'd be such a shark."

"Yeah," I mumble. "Maybe it was a good thing that Christian threatened to break a part the company if I didn't take it." That was a particularly nasty part of the divorce.

"My son has made many silly mistakes, but he does have an eye for business. He wouldn't have given it to you if he didn't feel you could handle it."

I shrug. "Even so, I'm sure he still manages to get his hands on our quarterly reviews." There is no way he could quit monitoring the business cold turkey, it's not in his nature.

Carrick chuckles. "He's trying. Still, I am happy you are both talking." He says with another sip of his coffee. "Only you can inspire such change."

I blush a bit. Not at the words, but the implication that I actively contributed to the change.

He places his danish down and wipes his mouth with a napkin. "Speaking of mending fences. Graduation was a bit tense, don't you think?"

His lawyer/poker face slides on and I know where he is going with this.

"I know you began talking to Christian for the sake of Teddy, and I hope you guys continue to strengthen and grow that relationship…"

"We aren't romantically involved Carrick." I counter.

He waves his hand. "I know that, all I am saying is that I am happy with whatever direction you guys move forward in. As long as you move forward." He answers. "But I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you and Grace sat down and talked. When you and Christian weren't talking, it was easy for her to just hope time would heal everything. But now that you are both on better terms, she knows she is going to have to take the first steps to peace."

I shift in my seat. "The last time we talked, I told her to go to hell…"

"I remember your last conversation well." He says gravely. "But those were strenuous circumstances and I think time has left you both with a lot of time to reflect. Think of Teddy."

I frown. "You guys can't keep using my own son against me."

He smiles. "Think of it more as motivation. This has really weighed on her and every time she sees Teddy it's an instant reminder of the rift."

"I don't know if I want to rehash that conversation. It was just a lot to take in." I remember how angry I was, how much trouble she caused by doing the same thing her son did by not listening to me.

"As a lawyer, I am trained to see both sides of the argument. But she is the love of my life, and to see her walk around with this weight on her shoulders…all she wants is to see you and not pretend that the past didn't happen. To have civil conversation." He admits. "She loved you as a daughter and although she was in the wrong, she doesn't want things to remain the same."

He's done so much for me and I do feel that I owe him. I also know that it wouldn't be fair to anyone to have to deal that tension when we are forced around one another.

"One conversation." I relent.

He checks his watch, retrieves his coffee and briefcase before standing. I walk around my desk to walk him out.

"Thank you." I say quietly, trying to quiet the storm brewing in my stomach.

He smiles. "No, thank you." when we reach the door he turns to me. "I'll email you with the time and place. Also, stop slipping money into my account for these little pow wows. I told you I don't do it for the money, I do it because I still consider you a daughter."

I smile at that. "Thanks Carrick, I really appreciate that.

With our final goodbyes said, I motion for Madison to follow me into my office and start reciting the new itinerary for the day. When I mention legal, her face falls a bit. We all know it's going to be a long day.

###

I haven't been here in years, and I don't understand why Carrick would be so insistent about this location.

"Mommy, ring the doorbell so I can show you my bike." Teddy says, breaking me out of my reverie.

This house seems so much larger than the last time I was here, like it is going to swallow me whole. As my son hits the doorbell a few times, I wish that it would.

Gretchen opens the door with her shimmering blonde hair and smiles down at my little boy. When she sees me, she is a lot less cheerful. "Theodore, _Ms._ Steele; If you would follow me to the sitting room."

I don't understand after all this time how she can dislike me. I am tempted to burst her bubble filled with all those Christian fantasies, but I don't want any more conflict. Besides, she seems to like my son so I guess that is a plus.

When we enter the sitting room, Grace and Carrick are there talking quietly. It's a Thursday afternoon and the only day that would work for us all. My anxieties rise a bit and the memories of this room start to make my cheeks flush.

"Ow mommy, you're breaking my bones." Teddy wines, as he wiggles from my grip.

I give him an apologetic look and he runs off to give his grandparents hugs.

He snuggles into Grace's arms. "Can I show mommy my presents?"

Carrick scoops him up and allows him to give both Grace and I a kiss before heading out the room. "Mommy and grandma need to have a grown up talk, we are going to go play until they are done."

"Are they going to say bad words?" he asks, their voices growing distant.

Carrick chuckles. "Probably."

I stand frozen in front of her, until she silently motions for me to take a seat across from her. She offers me tea, but I don't want it. I just want to get this over with and go read an Austen novel as my son watches some silly cartoon. I feel like my yellow sundress is tightening and making it hard to breathe. I hate confrontation.

"Ana," she starts quietly. "I…I'm happy that we are doing this."

I shrug. "Carrick asked me to do this for him, and I know we'd have to get this over some day."

She picks up her tea, but the cup and the saucer clatter too much and she quickly sets it down. This is a different matriarch than the one I last encountered.

"I should start with an apology. I never meant for so much to occur on account of me. It was unprofessional and out of place for me to say the things I did." She says quietly.

But I don't want this, if we are going to have this conversation then she is going to know exactly what her actions caused. I don't want to be angry anymore, I don't want to be resentful…but it's all bubbling to the surface.

"I came to you because I was unhappy with my marriage, because I felt like Christian was smothering me." I start, my heart fluttering in my throat. "And you…you told everyone that you thought I was suffering from postpartum depression and that I was a danger not only to myself, but my child."

I feel my eyes burn with tears and I see her eyes water too, but I don't give her a chance to speak.

"You made it worse for me. I wasn't allowed to bathe Teddy or be alone with him. There was always someone watching me like I was a lunatic. And Christian…it just made him worse. He wasn't just suffocating me with his controlling ways, I was drowning. And because of you, every feeling I had was discarded as a symptom of the baby blues!"

After Grace told the family that she thought I had postpartum, I didn't speak to her. Before I even left Christian or discovered his infidelity, I had refused to be around her. But no one took it seriously. They all likened it to a drug addict who didn't want to be around the person who brought their problem to light. But there was nothing wrong with me, other than that I was young and no one would listen to me.

"Ana, I am so sorry. I was wrong, you came to me in confidence and I betrayed you." Tears are falling from the corners of her eyes and she is wringing her handkerchief in her hand.

"I…I don't want you to cry Grace. I don't want to leave feeling the same way I did all those years ago, but you need to know what your accusations did to me." I breathe out before telling her something only known in the family by Carrick, myself, and Christian. "He tried to take Teddy away from me, and he only relented when Flynn assessed me and told him that I was not a danger to anyone." I wipe my tears away. The feelings I felt when I thought I would lose my son…they tear at my heart. Teddy is my world, and I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for him.

She covers her hand with her mouth. "I didn't know. Ana, I am so sorry." she sniffs loudly and tries to compose herself. "I would take it all back if I could, I need for you to know that at that time I thought I was helping. I know it was wrong. Carrick has hammered it in that I was wrong. I caused my son to lose the best thing that ever happened to him and it's all my fault."

At this I sober up. No one is going to take responsibility for what happened between Christian and I except the two of us. "Christian and I were falling apart. He refused to see the cracks forming between us, and I was too tired trying to repair them. What happened between us was inevitable, but I won't lie and say you didn't help."

She stands up and sits beside me, she takes my hands in hers and looks be dead in the eye. "I'm sure Carrick has told you, but we really did, do, look at you like you are one of our own. I failed you, and I don't take that lightly. Please, say we can move past this, that we can move forward. I'll wait as long as it takes, but I want us to be okay again."

All I can do is nod at her sincerity and I am quickly encompassed by her warmth. Another set of arms joins us and whispers into our ears.

"Why are we hugging?" Teddy asks.

Grace pulls away and kisses him on the cheek. "Because mommy and I had a really good talk."

"Oh, well are you done now. I want you guys to watch me ride my bike now." He says with a smile.

"Teddy, be polite." I gently scold.

"Please." His smile growing sweeter.

Grace and I follow him and Carrick to the backyard where he hops on his shiny green bike with its adorable training wheels and begins to peddle around; waving at us as he rides in wide circles.

"You two better?" Carrick asks, with a tray of lemonade and tea sandwiches.

Grace smiles a small smile in my direction. "We're getting there."

Carrick beams. "Good. Now Ana can come to our anniversary party at the end of summer."

"You can't just add things to her social calendar Cary." Grace playfully scolds.

Carrick winks, "I'm sure Ana will find a way to attend."

"I'd be happy to attend." I say with a bit of hesitation. I'll bring Marcus, it'll make things a bit more relaxed.

We all sit and watch my son destroy their well-groomed grass, but from the smiles on their faces I am sure they don't mind. Carrick asks me about my meeting with legal and we quickly slip into a topic I am comfortable in, business. By dinner time we are saying our goodbyes and Teddy is making plans to see his bike again.

When we get home, Marcus is in a pink apron with cupcakes on it and cooking Asian stir-fry.

"So my love, how did it go?" he asks while pouring both Teddy and I a drink.

"It went good. I got to ride my bike and eat cookies." Teddy interjects. "But I'm hungry, when will the food be done?"

We both laugh. "Soon little one, go wash your hands."

Teddy skips off and Marcus gives me a look. "So?"

"There was a lot of truth, some tears, and I think everything is at a better place." I sigh. I do feel a weight has lifted, but this wasn't a conversation I would have actively sought out.

"Good. I am happy these little odds and ends are tying up in your life Ana. Even though you say you're fine, avoidance can only work out for so long." Marcus says over his shoulder, moving to wok from the burner.

"Yeah," I agree quietly.

He dishes out three plates and I help him set the table. "You know what this means, right?"

"We'll get invited to society parties like Elliot and that pill of a wife." Marcus cheers.

"Marcus" I scold.

He rolls his eyes, "Oh please, you have no right to judge little miss _'I fell asleep with him on the phone'._"

I laugh at his imitation of me. "You know it wasn't like that."

He kisses me on the cheek. "You keep telling yourself that love, and I'll keep telling you I don't believe it."

Teddy comes back into the room and takes a seat in front of his steaming plate of food. "Thanks!" he says before digging in.

We don't talk about anything Grey related from that point on but I still replay the events of the last few days. I feel like the little life I have crafted for myself is being infiltrated and slowly reshaping itself. I just hope the end result is something I can live with.

**So this chapter was half written last night, but I didn't like the flow. Nothing moved forward and so I am sorry for the delay. Thanks for all the lovely comments!**


	7. The Aquarium

Song: **Clarity **by **Zedd ft. Foxes**

"You're not wearing that." Marcus says from the doorframe.

I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is up in a ponytail with some shorter tendrils falling around my face. I wear a dress that looks like a long linen shirt that is down to my knees and belted at the waist. I am also wearing jean cutoffs underneath and black gladiator sandals.

"It's fine." I say, grabbing my bag already stuffed with juice boxes and sandwich bags of pretzels and grapes.

He begins sorting through my closet and pulling out bright dresses. "It's plain. Try some color." He throws a red ball of fabric in my direction and I throw it back.

"Put that back and don't you dare sneak it off to your room." I warn.

He rolls his eyes and plops onto my bed. "Speaking of my drag inclinations; you are still coming to the Mickey Mouse Whorehouse review the weekend after Disney, right?"

I sit beside him. "Of course. Teddy is staying with his grandparents to spend quality time with them, Ava, and his bike. It's all planned"

"Are you sure your little friend needs to come?" he pouts. "I'm perfectly fine with Elliot, but she seems like a waste of a good chair." He plays with the chiffon of one of the dresses he pulled out.

I shrug. "I can't sit by myself, it'd be awkward."

"I guess I can understand that, but you still have to dress up."

"No." I assert.

"Yes." He says a flutter of his eyelashes. "Every queen is bringing their hag and if mines isn't deemed the prettiest then what will the other kids say on the playground?"

"I hate that term, _hag. _Why can't I just be your straight associate?" I question.

"Because that sounds awful Ana." He leans in close and swipes a delicate finger across my cheekbone. "Why aren't you wearing make-up? You know this is a big step for us."

I snatch my purse from the bed and head out the door. "Goodbye Marcus."

When I make it to the living room, I find Teddy talking on the house phone.

"Well what street are you on?" he asks with the same expression he has when putting a puzzle together. "No daddy, that isn't our street. I think you are lost and what if the fish go to sleep?"

"The fish aren't going to go to sleep Teddy." I say while making my way to the kitchen for a bottle of water.

Marcus prances out of the room with two more dresses and moves them like flags in the wind. I shake my head no and he slumps off. Probably to his room to try my stuff on while I'm not here. I may need to take inventory of my things soon. His shoulders stretch everything out and I don't want him to ruin something that I love.

Teddy tugs on my shirt and I look down. The phone is no longer in his hand. "Daddy told me to come tell you that he would be here in five minutes."

I pick him up and place him onto the counter. "That's not too long." I assure him.

"Well it feels like forever."

I kiss the tip of his nose and smile. I pull my phone out of my purse and give him a bubble popping game to play. When there is a knock on the door, he nearly falls off the countertop and I strain all the muscles in my shoulders putting him on the ground.

The locks are too high up for him to reach and so I help him with the last one and let him throw open the door.

"Hi daddy, what took you so long?" he asks, scrambling into his arms.

Christian kisses the top of his head and smiles. "This is the first time I've driven to your house without Taylor. It took a bit longer with the GPS." He explains. "Ana." He says in greeting and before I can reply Marcus comes bustling out of the room.

"Christian!" he greets. "So nice to see you again."

He seems a bit too chipper, and I am afraid of what he may say.

"Marcus." Christian smiles and although I didn't think it possible, it has an even stronger effect on him than I've ever seen it have on a woman. "Settled in?"

Marcus all but melts to the floor, but he is quick to pull it together.

Marcus waves his hand. "Oh yeah. Us three our having a whale of a time, aren't we Teddy?"

Teddy nods. "He taught me how to fix a run in a stocking the other day."

"Marcus" I admonish. "I hardly doubt my son will need to know that."

Teddy turns to Christian. "Marcia says mommy is hopeless with things like that so as the man of the house it's my job to know." He smiles. "I can fix nail polish too."

Christian laughs. "Well you are doing a very good job. Mommy is very clumsy."

Marcus snorts. "I'll say."

Teddy giggles. "One time mommy hit her knee on the wall and said a bad word."

Christian smirks at me and I look away as the heat rises to my face. "And what bad word was that?"

Teddy leans in and whispers.

"Oh," Christian smirks. "That is a very naughty word that shouldn't be repeated."

"Is she going to get a punished?" Teddy inquires and I feel my jaw fall open.

"We'll discuss that later." Christian tries to keep a smile on his face, but he keeps staring at me.

"Alright folks, you guys need to get to that aquarium and I need to get ready for a client." Marcus shoos us into the hallway with goodbyes and I hear him make quick work of the locks.

Christian gains his bearings and leads us to the car, fielding Teddy's questions about the aquarium and where they are going to eat lunch.

His car is sleek, black, and gleams in the sunlight. I know I've come across a picture of it, but I am sure it was in some Tech magazine left in a doctor's office.

Teddy clamors into the back and Christian buckles him in. I kind of want to sit in the back with him, but I know that's silly and that I must stay on course if we are to make this work.

I slide into the passenger side and Christian follows, pulling the car away from the curb when everyone is buckled up. The car ride is uneventful thanks to Teddy's never ending round of questions. But I can feel his gaze on me, and it sends tiny shivers up my back. I focus on Teddy, the music playing, my phone, anything but him. I refuse to chance a glance, I'm afraid of what I may find.

After what seems like a never ending journey, we reach the aquarium and Teddy is a flurry of energy. We start with the otters and watch them play for a time before finding the elusive octopus and feeding tiny sea critters in the tide pool and petting starfish. He isn't very interested in the bird exhibit, but he has a blast running around the water dome which is a round room with a dome ceiling made of glass that is completely submerged in water. There are fish and coral reefs to peer at, but Teddy is more tickled by the scuba diving window washers than the brightly colored fish.

After a lunch of cheeseburgers and milkshakes, he goes through the exhibits all over again before Teddy begins to lose steam and we decide to take a rest underneath the dome. Besides the children running around, it is quite peaceful. I almost forget Christian is there until he speaks.

"Well, he's out." He says quietly and I peer over at Teddy who is fast asleep under his father's arm.

"He barely slept last night so I am not surprised." I try to hold back a yawn, but I barely slept either with him thrashing in my bed and waking me up every two hours to make sure I set the alarm. I finally told him that if he didn't go to sleep that he'd have to go to his own bed. That put him out like a light.

"Should we go?" he asks, and I sense some reluctance in his manner.

"Yeah, hopefully he'll nap until dinner." I answer, gathering my bag.

We walk to the car in silence and drive back to my place in the same state. Teddy is too big for me to carry long distances anymore, so Christian has to come up and place him in his bed. When I offer him something to drink, I am shocked by his answer. I never thought he would agree; I was just trying to feign politeness.

I pour him a glass of ice tea and pour myself one as well. He pats the stool beside him and reluctantly slide into it. I must prove that I can do this. I must prove that this isn't going to blow up in my face.

"My dad told me about your little meetings." He starts quietly.

I look away. "I'm sorry if it seemed so secretive."

He shakes his head. "Why couldn't you guys tell me? Were you afraid that I'd get mad?"

"No Christian, I just… I didn't want you to feel like you were left out in the cold."

"What do you mean?" his eyebrow is cocked up and his hands tighten around his glass.

I take a deep breath. "Even though Grace and I weren't on speaking terms, I could still be around her. I have perfectly functioning relationships with your father, your brother and sister, your grandmother even sends me Christmas cards. I didn't want you to feel as if I was intentionally shutting you out, as if I was trying to hurt you." I breathe out.

I need for him to understand that that wasn't my intention.

He chuckles. "You of all people have the right to be vengeful."

I turn my body to him and look up into those steely grey eyes. "I pulled away from you towards the end of our marriage. We weren't communicating and I gave up." I shrug. "You became so controlling after Teddy was born, I felt like I had to fight just to have an opinion of my own."

He doesn't respond, just continues to stare and I can't help but wonder what he sees.

I take a sip of my ice tea and stare at the ice cubes in my glass as if they are doing something mildly interesting. I don't know why this certain memory comes to mind, but I feel the need to share it with him from my perspective.

"Do you remember that baby blanket I ordered for Teddy?" he nods slowly and I continue. "You got into such a mood because of the fibers or something and you threw it away. When we fought, you said that it was because you wanted the very best for us…and every time we fought it was the same answer. Whether it dealt with the publishing house or the number of hours I worked, even the clothes I brought for myself. Everything became a game of tug and war with you. I… we were supposed to be a team and you made me feel at times like I was failing you."

He runs his hands roughly through his hair and pulls tight at the roots. "Ana," he says so quietly that I think I misheard him. "I never meant to make you feel that way."

"It's okay Christian, it's in the past. But Marcus is right, I can't expect us to get to a good place when you think your cheating was solely to blame." I laugh to myself. "But after that Grace fiasco and you confessing to that blow job your intern temp PA gave you…it was just too much."

He looks like I just struck him with a frying pan. He probably thinks that his cheating was the principal reason that I left. But I could never tell him that I consulted a lawyer months before I found out he cheated and before Grace's announcement to the family. It would kill him; and no matter how much pain he caused me, I would never want to hurt him in such a way.

It is better for everyone if he only knows parts of the truth.

He hops off the stool and his hands are on either side of my face encompassing me in his warmth. "If I had just listened to you…it wouldn't be like this. I would have my family." His eyes have me locked, and I can't look away. "You were my world, and I am sorry Ana. I thought it was because of a stupid drunken mistake, and I feel like an idiot for deluding myself into thinking my offenses against you were so superficial."

His thumbs swipe across my cheeks and grow slick with moisture. I'm crying. Why am I crying?! This is not a revelation; this is the truth I have lived with for years. I have barely been around him to know if he's changed, or for him to realize that I've changed.

I gently pull away before I get sucked in any further and step away from him. Space is good; space is what I need to clear my head. All my efforts, all my hard work, he'll ruin it. He'll take everything that is mine, and make it his.

I want this to work for Teddy, I want this to be okay. But when he's standing there, looking so vulnerable and sad I can feel my resolve begin to slip. He'll make me weak again, and I can't let him do that.

"I'm sorry if I have done anything to encourage this," I start, wiping the wetness from my face and gaining some composure. "but this isn't what this was supposed to turn into. This is for Teddy's sake."

He shakes his head. "Why can't we work at this? Why can't you give me one more chance?"

"Because Christian, we don't know each other anymore. We are strangers and I can't travel down this road, not again. Not the way we were before." I confess.

He takes a step closer and I step away. "I'm sorry Ana. But you have to know, I haven't been with anyone since you left. I would do anything for a future with you."

"Then just be my friend." I beg. "Why haven't you learned that if you keep pushing I'm just going to pull away."

He looks down at his hands and shakes his head. "I know I'm over eager. But I know that I still love you. Please, just tell me if you still have feelings for me."

I shake my head and bite down hard on my lip. "I can't give you that."

"Why, Ana?" he asks desperately.

"Because you want too much Christian, and you've given me nothing." I snap. "This is all I have to give you, a civil and friendly relationship and if you can't deal with it then just tell me. Tell me now how this is going to go because I can't do this every time we see each other."

I want us to be able to be around one another without the risk of situations like these, conversations like these. I've been honest with him, I've given him the reason we are the way we are and he has done the very thing I feared. He's discovered the problem and now he's going to try to fix it.

He is in front of me within the blink of an eye, but he doesn't touch me. "I can be your friend; I will be anything you want as long as it means that you are in my life. I want to make this right."

"Then listen to me. That is all I want." I say quietly. It's all I ever wanted from Christian.

He brushes a stray tendril of hair from my face. "You're right, and I am sorry. Please know Ana, that I want this to work. I can be your friend but I won't give up on the possibilities of us."

I roll my eyes at the last statement. "Ana" he lightly warns.

"Oh please, you don't have to right to get in a tizzy about my habits." I bat his hands away and smile.

"Not yet anyways." He says with a crooked smile.

"Okay, maybe we should end it here. If Teddy wakes up he won't ever let you leave and I think we have reached our emotional limits for the day."

He nods in agreement and I walk him to the door.

"Thank you Ana. I know I don't make this as easy as it could be, but I want you to know that I'm going to keep trying."

"Friends?" I ask with a bit of weary.

He takes a long pause before answering. "Friends." He agrees.

With the door shut and locked I check on Teddy who is still asleep and slump off to bed for an afternoon nap. Even though I feel exhausted in every sense of the word, I can't sleep.

It shouldn't mean anything to me that he hasn't been with anyone else, I have. His apology shouldn't have affected me so much but because he was apologizing for what he actually did and not what he thought I left him over, it shifts things.

What if I had just made him listen to me all those years ago, what if I let go too early? I quickly try to push the thought from my mind.

The feelings that lead to me leaving were bound to rear their heads again because Christian is Christian. Unless I surrendered completely, he wouldn't have been satisfied and if I had stayed he would have had no incentive to take a look at our issues the way they deserved.

There can be no more family outings alone together, or drinks shared between the two of us. I can't lead him on and I can't get sucked in again. I do still love him, he was my first everything; but I have learned to live without him and I am not ready for a reeducation.

I'm not telling Marcus or Kate about this.

###

I punch Flynn's personal cell into the built in PA system in my car and pull away from Ana's place as the phone rings.

"Hello Christian." He greets in his cheery light british accent.

"I need to talk with you."

"About Ana?" he inquires and I can hear the smile in his voice. Lately all of our conversations have been about her.

"Yeah, can we meet tomorrow? I know it's Sunday but I just really need to speak to you." I say a bit too eager.

"Well I can't meet tomorrow but how about tonight? The wife and kids are going to some birthday that turns into a sleepover so I have a few hours to spare." He suggests.

"Tonight is perfect. I'll see you at Escala whenever you get there."

"May I ask what exactly this is pertaining to besides the usual?" Flynn asks.

My hands grip tighter over the steering wheel. "It's Ana, she finally opened up and I think I have a real chance of getting her back…of getting my family back." I say quickly.

"Christian, I must caution you to not get ahead of yourself and raise your hopes."

I wave him off but I know he can't see me. "We can talk about it later tonight, once I tell you what she said."

"Alright, I'll see you soon. Just keep a level head."

"I will John. Goodbye." I say ending the call. I know what I heard, she didn't yell at me or tell me she never wanted to see me again.

There is hope in that, and that's what I need right now.

**Revelations! I didn't want to give so much away so early but I think it makes everything more interesting moving forward. I have many cards in my deck that are itching to reveal themselves and there is still a lot ahead for Ana and Christian. Like I said, this story will be a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but I want everything to flow and be plausible. I don't want things to be jumpy and to happen without any rhyme or reason. But there will still be some fun involved.**


	8. Have a Seat

Song: **Hearts a Mess** by **Gotye**

"Would you please sit down Christian?" Flynn asks once more. I heard him the first two times but my mind wasn't computing the command.

I walk around my desk and sit on the black leather sofa in my study. Flynn pulled up my desk chair and is sitting across from me with his ankle on his knee and a small smile. This bastard shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he is, I am not paying for him to be so…amused by my current state.

"Christian, from everything you've told me I am not sure Ana has handed you an invitation back into her heart." Flynn starts. "It seems as if the reason she told about the failings of your marriage, was not so that you could fix it, but so you could make peace with it the same way she has."

I run my hands through my hair. "She has not moved on. It may have been a few years, but I can tell." I start. "Everything is so raw between us; it's like we covered everything with a ridiculously large band-aid and never gave the wound a chance to air out and heal."

Flynn entwined his fingers atop his knee and frowned a bit. "Okay, say Ana really hasn't moved on-"

"She hasn't!" I interject.

"Okay, she _hasn't_ moved on, what would be different this time around if you were fortunate enough to have a second chance?" he asks with cocked brow.

I stare at him. I hadn't thought that far ahead. It's clear she's changed, she has a presence now and she isn't that girl who I tried to sway into being my sub. She's a woman, a successful woman, a woman I wouldn't have had a snowballs chance in hell with if this was five years ago and I approached her with the contract.

Flynn smiles. "Maybe that is what Ana meant when she said you've given her nothing." He leans back and takes me in. "You are one of the most successful men in the country and you didn't get there by approaching these businesses without bringing something to the table. Now, I am not saying that you should approach Ana as if she is an acquisition but what I am saying is that you must think about what she may need from you."

I trace the line of my jaw and think back on her words. "She said that she felt as if she was failing me… that everything became a fight that she couldn't win." I reflect. "I never meant to make her feel that way."

"What did you fight over?"

"Work mostly. I didn't want her to work after Teddy was born...she didn't need to and I wanted our son to be raised by his parents and not nannies." I try to make him see my reason.

"And?"

"After a while, she stopped coming to me for business advice. She wanted to figure things out for herself and I couldn't keep my hands out of it. I felt like she was shutting me out and when I'd approach her about it she said that she wanted to prove that she could do it for herself."

"But what you heard was that you weren't needed."

I shrug. "That's what it felt like."

"Did you ever tell her?"

I remember those nights when she would come home after me. They were rare, but when they happened, it was always a fight…that I initiated. I wanted her home, I wanted my family. I didn't like her being so stressed and I thought I could reason with her. There was no need for it. I didn't understand it.

"No…but I wasn't coming from a bad place, I just wanted what was best." Those words, _what was best_, did I really wield those words against so often?

"Christian?"

I shake the memories from my head. "Ana said that every fight ended with me telling her that I only wanted the best for her. She said that there was no winning after I used those words."

"Was there?"

I stand up and begin to pace again. "But it was true. All I wanted was her happiness."

Flynn shakes his head. "What you desired was control."

"No, that is not what I wanted." Was it?

"It is nothing to be ashamed over or to lament. You have never made it a secret that you need control; it is your security blanket. You thought Ana was pulling away and you needed to keep some semblance of control over that." Flynn assesses.

"I never changed. I never concealed my faults away. She knew…" I start up.

"But that is not an excuse Christian."

I fall back to the sofa and rest my arms on my knees. "I didn't think it was so bad. I didn't think our marriage could get so bad. She said she pulled away. But did I push her to that?"

Flynn stares at me for a long hard minute. "The thing you need most is control Christian, and in your efforts to keep it, you started to take away hers." he says with little inflection. "You are right, she knew of your faults and she accepted and loved you for them. But what you both failed to take into account was that Ana was only twenty-two when you both entered into your relationship. It was a first for both of you, and neither of you readied yourself for the fact that she still had growing up to do. And this inevitable growth was going to require some loss of control and some gain of it."

I lay my head back and stare up at the ceiling. It was easier when I thought the reason she left was because I couldn't keep it in my pants. Yes, we fought at times but I always thought things were resolved soon after. I never questioned when she stopped challenging me on things, I can't remember the last time I heard her giggle or saw her truly smile at me during the tail end of our marriage. How was I able to block it all away? How could I choose to be so willfully blind to my own wife's unhappiness? I wish I had seen it, I wish someone had said something to me…but even if they had, I know I would have dismissed it. She was my wife, my Ana, my reason for existing. If Teddy wasn't here, I don't know what would have become of me after the divorce.

After I told her about my indiscretion, she didn't react the way I thought she would. I even thought for a moment that I saw her smile while I was begging on my knees for forgiveness. I thought that we would be okay, I promised to do everything in my power to make amends when I came back from Japan. She didn't cry much, she didn't say much. I hoped that we would find a way to be okay again; I knew it was terrible timing after my mother told me about Ana's _alleged _condition, but I didn't want something so heavy lying between us.

But when I came home from Tokyo and saw her surrounded by her luggage, with rental car keys in hand, and the baby all snuggled in his car seat, I thought I was having a heart attack. I'd suffer the fate of my mother's pimp a thousand times if it meant erasing the memory of that pain. That she was leaving me; that she had already left me.

"What are you thinking about?" Flynn asks quietly, cautiously.

"About our divorce. About all the things I chose not to see, about all the things I have done and would do differently." I reply in barely a whisper.

"Like what?"

He never asks me to talk about the actual events that happened during our divorce, he hopes that I will bring them up on my own but I am too ashamed to speak of my actions out loud. Someday I may be able to speak on it, but not now. I don't want to think about how hard I made it on Ana and how desperate I was to keep control at that time.

I sit back up and stare at the hardwood floors beneath my feet. "I wouldn't have been so fearful about her coming into her own, I wouldn't have deluded myself into believing that everything was okay and that anything that wasn't would right itself with time." I chuckle to myself. "It's a bit ironic that because of my need to control everything around me, I lost control over my own irrational fears. How could I have been so delusional about the problems Ana and I faced?"

Flynn shifts in his seat. "We rarely ever want to face the things we do not know how to fix." He says. "I have never doubted the love you and Ana share. But a marriage is a partnership Christian, not a leash to be tugged whenever you fear that she is straying away."

He leans in close. "So I must ask this again. What do you have to offer her? What change do you have to show her?"

"I've already lost her once. If I could get her back, I wouldn't allow my insecurities to get the better of us. I would listen to her. I love her, I've never stopped loving her. I want her back in my arms. I want to make up for every minute of every hour not spent with her. I want to show her that I am willing to do whatever it takes." I say with much conviction and too loud a voice.

"How will you do this?"

I am not happy with the idea, but I know that it must be done. "I'll…I'll give her the emotional space that she wants. I won't push her, but I am _not_ disappearing again. I'll show her that I can be what she needs." I just hope the effort isn't too late.

"And?" Flynn smiles. "Will you stop having her spied on?"

"Well Sawyer wasn't doing a bang up job of it anyways so I might as well." I growl.

Lousy bastard, I still don't see why I listened to Taylor instead of kicking his ass out into the street. I wonder what the hell Ana gave him so that he wouldn't report the details of her personal life.

"And?"

I grit my teeth, I know what he's digging for. "I'll stop reading copies of Steele Publishing's quarterly review."

"Now," he claps his hand. "When the time is right, when Ana is receptive, I want you to tell her the things you've told me. I want you to allow her the chance to see things from your side. If you truly want her forgiveness and love again, you need to be honest about everything. That includes Chloe."

I groan and rub my face against my palms. "I didn't have sex with her though." I argue against his stupid suggestion. Why would I rock the boat with Ana if we just now hit calm seas?

"You came extremely close though Christian; and as I have said before, oral sex is sex all the same."

"I didn't have feelings for her; I was drinking and a deal had just fallen through in Taiwan. She was there, she wanted to give herself to me, and I…I needed that control. If only for a moment." I confess once more to him. "I immediately regretted it, and even though I know now that there was much more to our breakup, I will never forgive myself. So why do I have to rehash it?"

Flynn shakes his head. "Secrets always have a way of bubbling to the surface. And if you and Ana don't place everything out in the open, it is only a matter of time before these secrets pull you both under."

"So in order to move forward, we have to deal with all that shit that's been holding us back?"

"To put it simply, yes." Flynn smiles and stands before me. He stretches a bit before placing his hands behind his back. "Now, I believe I smell your housekeeper's macaroni and cheese, and I can much better serve you on a full stomach."

He waits for me at the door and we walk out to the kitchen together where Gail is already dishing out our plates. I have a bit of a headache, and I hope some food will help.

When we sit with our food and drinks, he tries to discuss something or other with me, but I am not quite listening. I am still digesting all of the revelations the day has heaped upon me.

He chuckles. "So, you never did tell me about how you ended up falling asleep with Ana on the phone. Care to share?"

"I thought we agreed that once we left the study, that the session was over?"

"We did." He shrugs. "But as a friend, I am quite curious."

He starts digging in and waits for me to reply. I huff and take a large bite before speaking.

"It all started with that dream I have about Teddy and Ana…"

###

Teddy is standing on a step stool and helping me spoon the chocolate batter into the cupcake tin. There is a piece of paper sticking out of his back pocket, and chocolate batter smeared across his face.

"I like baking with you mommy." He says, swiping the rim of the bowl again with his sticky fingers.

"I'm glad, but you have to stop or else you'll get sick." I gently warn.

He smiles up at me and continues to lick his fingers.

"Did you have fun today?" I ask him.

Teddy nods. "I like being with you and daddy, it's fun." He says. "Are you and daddy friends now?"

"We are trying little one."

"Can daddy come out with us more?"

"Possibly." I say with a small smile.

After our conversation, I'm not sure if Christian and I should be in the same room again without numerous bodies to buffer between us.

He hops down and I finish with the cupcakes and place them in the oven.

"Come on, let's go wash your hands." I usher him into the bathroom and start cleaning his face and hands. When we are done, we trek into the living room to watch a movie as the cupcakes back.

"Mommy?" he says as he snuggles into me.

"Yes?"

He lifts up and pulls of the paper from his back pocket. He hands it to me and waits for me to read it. It is written with purple crayon on construction paper. It also has Disney stickers and multiple lines of scribble with only a few legible words.

As I am trying to decipher it, he takes pity on me and explains.

"Can we mail that to Mickey?"

"What for?"

Teddy leans up on his knees. "Well, you said that it's not nice to turn down an invitation. And if Mickey sends daddy and invitation, then he has to come with us. Right?"

I begin to chew on my lip and think of an excuse that will placate him. But he's too hard to lie to when he's looking at me with such hope and innocence.

"We'll mail it tomorrow." I concede.

He smiles brightly and settles back into my arms. "I wonder if Mickey will write back to me or daddy? I hope he likes my letter."

"I'm sure he will honey." I assure him.

I grab my phone from the table and text Marcus.

**A:**Teddy just wrote Mickey Mouse asking if his dad could come along. What do I do?

**M:**Tell him you don't negotiate with terrorist.

**A:**… :(

**M:**Just let him come along, it's not like he can do anything. You guys won't ever be alone.

**A:**It's all too fast.

**M:**Let's face it Ana, he could be moving at a glacial pace and it would be too fast for you.

**A:**So…

**M:**Buck up and invite him. What is it you are always saying…IT'S FOR TEDDY.

I can't believe he just used my words against me. And I can't believe I am about to listen to him. I look down at Teddy who is giving me a play by play of the cartoon we are watching.

This is for him, I think while writing the email. This is for him, I think as I delete it for the fifth time. This is for him, I think as I hit send to Christian after much deliberation.

Is this really for him?


	9. An Ally and a Dream

Song: **Sunrise Come to Soon** by **Late Night Alumni**

Why am I here? I shouldn't be here.

I am pacing in front of the entrance of a gym, running my hands through my hair and probably looking like a mad man. I took my suit jacket off in the car and the sleeves of my shirt are rolled up. I know I shouldn't have come, the last three weeks have been good with Ana and I, at least on her end. I've kept my promises and kept our conversations strictly Teddy and Disney related, but I am so excited about this upcoming trip that all I want to do is be with them both and plan out our vacation.

If she thinks I am accosting her friends for information, she'll just grow more distant and I can't allow that to happen. I enjoy hearing the sound of her voice, seeing her smile down at our son. I hate that it isn't everyday, I hate that I didn't appreciate every moment I shared with her to the point of exhaustion. I won't make the same mistakes I did before, but I can't sit idly by and hope for things to fall into place. I may be willing to reevaluate some of my faults, but I won't leave shit like that to chance. I will not lose this opportunity.

"Christian!" The voice I've been waiting to hear exclaims from behind me. I hadn't even realized that I was walking back to my car. This looks even worse.

"Marcus, I…" I'm at a loss for words, and he's across from me smiling like a Cheshire cat wearing nike workout gear and perfectly quaffed hair.

He bounces over and leans against the bar of a traffic sign. "I would tell you how delighted I am that you've come to see this gorgeous face of mine, but I know this isn't the face you are interested in."

I smirk at his conclusions. "It was a mistake, and I am sorry that I even thought to involve you."

He waves his hands at me. "Pish posh. I'm more involved than you know."

"But you're on Ana's side, and this is wrong." I shake my head and shove my hands in my pocket to fish out my keys.

"How right you are, and for you to think that I would betray a friend's trust so easily by speaking of intimate matters with her ex-husband is absolutely abhorrent." He starts in.

"I know." I sigh.

He comes over the passenger side door and goes to open it.

"What are you doing?"

He rolls his eyes and cocks his neck to the side. "I said I wouldn't do it so easily, it'll cost you a decent lunch and I have to warn you that I am quite expensive and a bit of a lush." He says with a wink.

I am a bit dumbfounded as I slide into the driver's seat and he practically skips into the seat beside me.

When I pull off from the curb, I regain control of my tongue and start to prod him on his motives for doing this. I still can't be sure that this isn't and act and the he doesn't begrudge me the way Kate does.

"Why are you doing this? You said you were on Ana's side."

Marcus turns his body towards me and sets his face into a very serious frown. "I am on Ana's side. I love her better than some of my own blood, and I want to see her happy. I want to know if you are that thing that will make her happy, or if she was right to kick you out of her life."

"Fair enough." I concede. I guess this little mission for information just got turned on its head.

We pull up to a decent Mediterranean place I know and take a table in a back corner. The place is pretty dead seeing as it's a bit past the lunch rush and our orders and drinks are quickly taken and filled. We both opt for water and while he sticks with a Shepard's salad, I grab a turkey gyro.

"So, I have to ask how you and Ana met? Was she a client?" I've been curious about that for a while. Although Marcus seems decent and the background check didn't turn up anything interesting, a gay physical trainer that moonlights as a drag queen doesn't really seem like something Ana would find on her own.

He finishes a bite of his salad and smiles. "No. We met about two and a half years ago. I had just gotten done with a private session with this horrible slag of divorcee and I was aiming to make a quick escape when I walked past the yoga room which has this large wall of glass and saw this little thing sleeping in the middle of the floor." Marcus smiles to himself. "I asked the yoga instructor what happened, such a pill of a woman, and she told me that the girl just fell asleep and when they tried to wake her, she said to leave her alone."

I smile at the image of her.

"Well, I went to see if the girl was okay and when I finally managed to wake her, the saddest blue eyes looked up at me. After she discovered that I wasn't some lecherous straight man, but a lecherous gay man, we went for tea at a local café. And that is where our friendship started."

"So what did you talk about?" I hope it wasn't the disintegration of our marriage.

"Well first she apologized for the state that I found her in. Apparently Teddy had an ear infection and wouldn't stop crying. Then…well, she didn't talk much. I just filled the silence with random chatter and managed to make her laugh a little. And then the news mentioned you, and she just burst into a fit of tears." Marcuse shakes his head. "It was just the saddest thing."

I swallow back the lump in my throat. "How did you console her?"

"I didn't. I just let her cry. And when she was done, I listened to her. I don't think she had many people around her that were just listening to her." he shrugs. "She didn't get into anything personal, just that her divorce had just been finalized and that she wasn't sure if she had made a mistake or not."

I push my food away, I have no appetite. For her to go crying to a complete stranger, makes my stomach knot.

"I made it hard for her during our divorce." I admit. "I did any and everything you could think of to make her stay. Even if it meant she would remain miserable." I fought her every step of the way. I threatened to break apart the publishing company if she didn't take it, I thought to take Teddy away before my shrink intervened. I even hinted that if I hurt myself it would be her fault because she promised to never leave me.

I place my face in my hands. Why the fuck did I just tell him that. It doesn't help my case, in fact it probably makes me look like an even bigger asshole.

Marcus reaches across the table and pats me on the head. "Well as long as the puppy knows not to piss on the carpet again and is repentant, we can all move forward." He smiles.

"Why are you being nice? I hurt your best friend." I say with mild astonishment.

He takes another bite of his salad. "Oh honey, I know everything. Gain her trust and get a few shots in her and she is the shining example of that saying _a drunk person speaks with a sober mind_."

"I want you to know that it was never malicious or out of spite. I was just desperate to keep her and I didn't think to be a bit more civil about it." I try to explain, but I know there is no excuse.

The waiter comes back to check up on us and refills our glasses.

"I can tell you with absolute certainty that Ana has move past all that." He says. "She's just afraid."

"Of me?" I ask.

"Of what being around you could mean." He quickly answers. "You represent all those things that made her feel trapped and I know that you want her back. I know that you still love her, but sometimes that isn't enough."

I run my hands through my hair, I can't believe I've resorted to groveling from someone that I barely know. "I know she's changed, and I am trying to change… what can I do to at least be on her radar?"

Marcus starts to laugh and my fist clench and eyes narrow. "Don't be daft, you are on her radar. You've always been on her radar. If she didn't care, she would have never banished you from her life or allowed you back in."

"What?"

"All she wants is to retain that sense of security, that independence that she's gained. And if you could show her that you wouldn't be a threat to that, then you have a good shot at being an integral part in her life."

This isn't new. Flynn, Elliot, and even my father have told me this. I don't know why I have to keep hearing it to believe it true. I can't keep wishing for things to go back to the way they were, and I am willing to work for it. I just don't know where to begin.

"You're thinking about it way too hard." Marcus says while polishing off his salad. "You're doing well, this is a good pace for her and at this point you need to allow her to continue setting that pace. Whether you like it or not. Don't want to go scaring her off like a skittish doe in headlights."

He smiles. "I don't think you are a bad guy Christian and I don't know if you and Ana getting back together would make her happy. But I know that she loves you, and the fact that the only men in her life are a four year old and a gay man are pretty good signs."

"Why are you helping me?"

He shakes his head and laughs. "I'm not helping you. And no offense, but your wellbeing isn't really a concern of mine." He says. "However, Ana will never be happy to the fullest extent or move forward until whatever flame you two have is either allowed to flourished or quickly extinguished. I just want to make sure that I am encouraging her to do the right thing. I will always be team Ana, and I just want her happy. If that is with you then fine, and if that isn't with you then I will be by her side no matter what."

I nod my understanding. Even if his tone was slightly snarky, I appreciate his honesty. And it is nice to know that Ana has someone like him on her side.

"I won't hurt her again." I swear it.

"If you do, you'll have me to deal with." He cocks a brow. "You may have bigger muscles, but I've been out since the age of five and grew up in the heart of catholic Ireland; don't think I can't take you on." He promises.

He holds his hand out and I shake it in agreement. I won't screw this up again. And the good opinion of someone that Ana loves like a brother is something I don't want to lose.

"So…are you going to tell her?" I ask, I feel like Teddy when he's said a bad word and I threaten to tell his mother if he says it again.

Marcus grins. "Of course. This is going to drive her mad, and it may even result in a phone call for you." He laughs. "Knowing her, she'll think I told you about those sex dreams she's been having about you every other night."

My jaw falls open a bit and I stare at him wide eyed. Of course I've thought about all those nights (and days) spent intimately with Ana; especially in my long gone playroom. But the thought of Ana having wet dreams about me, sends me a bit over the edge. God, I'd kill someone to reenact even a fraction of those fantasies. And whether she is happy with them or not, I am very pleased with myself.

"Whoops, me and my big mouth." He says without even the tiniest hint of regret. Marcus reaches for my gyro and I quickly pull it away.

I take a large bite to quiet the sudden rumble in my stomach.

"Someone's got his appetite back." Marcus remarks with a raised brow.

I smile between bites. "You have no idea."

Marcus claps his hands and motions for the waiter. "And now it is time for alcohol."

###

The office is quiet. Too quiet.

I wonder where Madison is, and then I remember that these moments are rare and I should cherish the silence.

Before I can start up my laptop, there is a knock at the door. My fingers barely brush against the knob when it turns and an unexpected presence enters.

"Anastasia." He says with a smirk and a dark gaze. He shuts the door behind him and I hear the subtle click of the lock.

"Christian, what are you doing here?" I ask, but my voice is barely a whisper.

He isn't wearing a suit jacket, and his sleeves are rolled up giving and appreciated view of his muscles.

"I came to talk." He shrugs.

I back away until I reach the edge of my desk. "You couldn't email me or text?"

He shakes his head and traps me between himself and my desk, his arms outstretched on either side.

"Stop trying to intimidate me." I warn but my body is growing hot, and I know that I am flush all over.

He drags his nose from the base of my neck to the tip of me ear with the lightest of touches. I shiver all over. "I know you've thought about me." He gloats. "And I've replayed every moment my hands roamed over your body. You want this."

His hands move to the inside of my thighs, squeezing lightly and pushing up my skirt.

"We can't do this." I try to reason. "This won't fix us."

He frowns and pulls away from my neck. "But it will make us both feel a lot better."

Christian kisses my lips gently before looking me in the eye with a glimmer of sadness. "I'm sorry, and I love you. I don't ever want to let you go Ana."

He slowly unbuttons my blue top and begins to kiss the swell of my breasts. I can't breathe.

He takes my hand and places it against his growing manhood. His groan is enough to send me to the floor. "Tell me this is okay. Tell me you want me." He moans into my ear. His hands working higher up my thigh.

"But I shouldn't." I squeak out.

"But you do." His fingers weave into my hair and he kisses me hard. It's clumsy and passionate. Teeth, lips and tongue urging reciprocation.

He pushes into my center and I moan, giving him the chance to slip his tongue into my mouth. I've missed his touch, I've missed his taste. I want this, but I know that this is wrong. What's come over me, this will ruin everything.

Before I can formulate some sense of composure, he quickly turns me around and yanks my skirt up. He hitches one leg up onto my desk and the sound of my panties ripping makes me sigh.

I warm finger slides inside of me and I clench at the sudden intrusion. It's been so long, and he feels so good.

"Always so ready." He bites out. "Fuck I've missed you."

He pulls my bra down and palms my breast while bring my flush against his body. His heat and his scent overwhelm me. The sound of his zipper stirs me as his tongue and teeth assault me neck.

"Tell me you want me, the way I want you." He growls against my flesh. The vibrations of his voice setting my core alight.

He is rubbing himself against me and I can't think, my senses have abandoned their duties and are focusing on everything this man is doing to me.

"Admit it Ana." He urges in a strained whisper. "Say the words."

He pushes deep inside me, holding me to his chest so that I feel every inch of him. But he isn't moving.

"Come on Ana."

To hell with it.

"I want you. I love you. Please." I beg.

He gently captures my chin and assaults my lips once more. Every stroke of him deliberate and hard. When he releases my chin and pushes me over the desk, I can't contain myself. I don't care who hears.

"Come for me Ana." He moans, working hard against me.

I feel my insides tightening, begging for release. I am so close.

Something nudges against my face, but I ignore it. I'm almost there.

Then I am suddenly colder. But I don't care.

"MOMMY!"

I am startled as a scrambled up my bed and try to catch my breath. Teddy is kneeling beside me with a frown.

"You were crying in your sleep and so I woke you up." He explains. "Why were you crying?"

I smooth the hair from my face and try not to turn the color of a tomato. I am mortified, these dreams have never been so intense, and I blame Marcus for ratting me out. Damn gossip, no wonder Elliot and him get on so well.

"I don't remember sweetie." I lie. It's my only defense.

He smiles and leans up to give me a kiss on the cheek. "That's okay mommy. Do you want me to make you breakfast to cheer you up."

He means pour me fruitloops in a bowl. "Yeah honey, that would cheer mommy right up."

He bounces out of bed, singing something that sounds a bit like Barbara Streisand, and runs to the kitchen. As I quickly slink into the bathroom and try to clear my head. As I wash my face and brush my teeth, I know that Disney is going to be a bigger challenge than I originally thought.

I'm going to kill Marcus.


	10. Florida or Bust

Song: **Falling** By **The Civil Wars**

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised that I am sitting in Christian's newly minted private jet with my son curled up beneath my arm and the man himself across of me. Once Teddy discovered that it was an option, there was no swaying him. Elliot, Kate, and Ava are sleeping in the en suite and Taylor is somewhere with Sawyer and the flight attendant.

I feel so awkward.

I am attempting to read my manuscript and he is busy typing away on his laptop, but I think he is just waiting for an opening so that we can talk at greater length. I've been on the same page for the past thirty minutes and I really have to the bathroom. But I must endure, only four hours to go and the sun will be up soon along with our traveling companions.

"Anastasia?" he says without looking up at me.

"Yes?" I mumble.

"Go pee." He smirks over the laptop screen.

I open my mouth to refute him, but I don't have the energy to argue and hold it in. I gently pry myself from my son and tiptoe off to the bathroom. When I emerge, he is still typing and our son is still asleep.

I know this doesn't work if I play the coward. But personally I think the coward in many of the stories I have read have had extremely redeeming qualities… who am I trying to kid?

"I told you I was sorry about Marcus." He starts in quietly. "It was out of line and I promise not to do it again."

Marcus said much of the same before I shoved him on his flight to Ireland. I know he wasn't being malicious but I cannot for the life of me understand why he thought I would be okay with it. I only accepted his apology after he swore to leave things be and to return my hot curlers in once piece when he returned. But I made sure to explain to him why I was so hurt by his actions, and I guess I owe Christian the same courtesy. There is enough unsaid between us, we need nothing more to fill this void.

I shake my head and re-cover Teddy with the blanket. "I agree that is was out of line. But I need you to know why." I say quietly. "Marcus…he is the only thing in my life that hasn't been tainted by all the crap that has happened between us. As selfish as this sounds, he's mine. He's the one thing I can escape to that has nothing to do us."

He nods and sets his lap top aside. "It was never my intent, and I won't do it again. But you should know that besides that one slip up he didn't tell me anything."

I can feel myself redden at the mention of that _one _slipup. Whether subconsciously or not, no one wants their ex to have that sort of knowledge. It is embarrassing.

"If it is any conciliation, I dream about you every night." He says with his full focus on our son.

I'm speechless and before I can find any words, he interrupts my stuttering thought process. "And no, they aren't sex dreams." He presses, and I choose to believe him.

"What am I doing?" I ask. It's only fair that I know because he undoubtedly has a clear cut picture about what I dream of.

He knots his fingers in front of him and leans back in his seat while staring out the window at the night sky.

"You…leaving me."

I swallow back the lump in my throat.

"When I saw you at the restaurant, when you said that we could at least be in each other's presence again…the dreams got worst."

"Why?" I ask before I think better of it.

He smiles and turns his attention to me. "I had three long years of your absence and every day I told myself that it would get easier and that I would move on. But it was just a lie to keep myself moving." He runs his thumb over his lip and I suddenly feel as if he is looking past me. "When you came back, it was a quick reminder of all that pain and regret I had when you first left. And suddenly, there was that cold reality that you could leave again and I don't know how I would survive it."

My eyes burn, and I am thankful for the dimmed overhead lights and the lack of audience.

"I never meant to make you feel that way." I choke out. "And you should know that I really do want to move past all of our issues for the sake of the future."

"I know Ana, I know that. But you are the reminder of all the things I had and may never have again."

"I feel as if every time we have this conversation, we talk in circles." I stroke Teddy's curls. "I didn't leave to hurt you. I was becoming this shell of a person, I didn't recognize myself. You didn't deserve a wife like that and Teddy definitely deserve a mother like that. I would have dragged you down with me."

"Ana you could never-"

"But I was." I protest. "You somehow managed to keep control with your eyes closed and ears held tight. You refused to acknowledge what was happening but you felt Christian. I know you did, otherwise you wouldn't have had an affair."

I could see the slight cringe in his eyes and hope that my honesty will quell this situation.

He's quiet for a long while and I can practically hear the gears turning in his head. The similarities between him and Ted are truly startling sometimes.

"How can we be friends? I don't really have friends. And as you know before you, I had never even been in a real relationship." He admits with a shrug.

"I told you, just listen and respect my boundaries." I repeat for the umpteenth time.

"Ana…" he lightly warns.

I take it that I rolled my eyes. "That Christian!" I quietly exclaim. "Things like that. You don't do that, you can't do that. You have to accept the things I say and do and just go with it."

"Kate doesn't just go with it."

"I love Kate, but I don't need another one of her."

"Fair enough." He concedes with a smirk.

I can't think of a good ice breaker, so I just start with the one that works out well with prospective new authors. "So what project are you working on at the moment?"

He cracks a small smile and launches in to the work he has been doing in Africa and the low maintenance clean water technology that is being produced the Germans who have started a not so secret bidding war.

We talk for a while about our respective businesses. It's oddly refreshing to do this because this is the first time it has ever occurred. I could never talk about this sort of thing before without him telling me what to do and criticizing my choices. He's much more attentive than before. Asking me questions, and listening to my frustrations with my legal department. By the end of our conversation, I am absolutely sure that he has been reading our quarterly reviews and I am at peace with the fact that with him I must pick and choose my battles with his controlling ways and in the grand scheme of things, this isn't so bad.

"So Teddy tells me that you both are going to visit Ray?" Christian questions, motioning someone away; I take it that it's Taylor.

I try to smile but the muscles don't move. "Yeah, they are both very excited."

"What's wrong Ana, you don't seem too excited?"

I shift in my seat and debate whether or not I should tell him. But then I remember all of the NSA like resources that he has and decide not to keep it to myself.

"I think something is wrong." I admit. "He doesn't sound well, but he keeps promising that everything is okay."

"You don't believe him?"

"No." I answer quickly. "He's so concerned with Teddy and I's wellbeing that he could be bleeding from a gunshot wound in the street and he wouldn't say a word. Kate says its probably nothing, just male macho. And Marcus didn't say much at all which was odd for him."

Christian leans forward and stares until I return my gaze to him. "Ana, I can look into it for you."

I shake my head and try to rid myself of these uneasy feelings I am carrying with regard to Ray. "It's probably nothing." I try to reason away. I am afraid of what may be found out, of what he could be hiding. And I can't picture my life without him in it… I don't want to think of the possibilities.

"Well if you change your mind, I would be more than willing to help."

I smile in thanks but say nothing else. There is a nice quiet between us and I don't fight it when my eyelids grow heavy and sleep overwhelms me.

###

Watching her sleep is something that I will never cease to enjoy. They both look so peaceful that I would give away half my fortune just to keep the moment going. I'd give the other half just to make Ana see how much I love her, and how I could never blame her for our demise.

A heavy hand slaps me on the back and Elliot pushes into the seat beside me.

"So, I see no bloodshed, no signs of war. You two talk?" he asks, a bit too loud for five in the morning.

"Shhh." I snap. "Yes we talked, it was fine, and you need to keep your voice down."

"Sorry" Elliot whispers. "Just nice to all be together again. Mom is still a bit pissed because we didn't give them enough notice."

I shrug. I don't want to overwhelm Ana with too many Greys. "Maybe it's good that this stays small. I haven't really gotten to spend any time with them together since he was a baby and I would rather be a bit selfish."

He shrugs. "Fine by me, as long as I can ride all the rides and get my picture taken with Mickey Mouse, I'm good." He grins, reclining in the seat.

"Please remember, that this is not this is for my son, and you are nothing more than a tag along." I remind him.

"I got it, but you are a last minute stow away too so don't act so high and mighty."

I shrug. "I know, but I am his father. And dad trumps goofball uncle any say of the week."

"Yeah, well… I'm still riding all the rides. Kate only came because of Ana, so she can watch Ava."

"Is she still sour about all this?" I ask with a grimace. I don't understand why the hell she is still so mad. It's like all this shit happened yesterday and she still wants to gouge my eyes out with a nail file.

"She is just trying to protect Ana."

"From what?" I hiss.

Elliot sighs before whispering. "She's afraid you and her will get back together and that you'll hurt her again."

"I won't, and she needs to mind her business." I grind out.

"Hey, watch it. That's my wife." Elliot chides.

"I still stand by what I said."

Taylor emerges from the front of the plane. "Sir, our ETA is an hour and a half. Breakfast will be served in five minutes and the weather conditions for the next week are clear if a bit muggy."

"Thank you Taylor, I'll start rousing the masses." I say before leaning over and gently shaking Teddy's shoulder.

"I'll go wake my two little princesses."

"Two?" I question with a raised brow.

Elliot hits me a little too hard on the shoulder. " ." he says before disappearing into the en suite.

I gently nudge Teddy again.

"Daddy, stop touching me." He mumbles, attempting to turn over but the seat belt prevents him.

"But we're almost there and they made you pancakes."

His bright blue eyes pop open and he smiles. "Disney?"

"Yes, Disney." I nod, unbuckling his seatbelt and leading him to sit beside me.

"Should we wake mommy?"

I gently run my hand over Ana's arm and watch her stir.

"Mommy get up!" My son exclaims, his delivery much more crass than mine.

Ana stretches before opening her eyes and smiling at Teddy. "I'm up, I'm up."

"We're eating breakfast and then going to see Mickey Mouse, and then going to find Donald, and then Marcia wants us to find Ariel and ask her what hair spray she uses. Then we eat lunch and then…"

I scoop Teddy up and carry him over my shoulder the table set for eating. "Calm down baby boy, we'll see all that stuff in good time."

"Well if in good time isn't soon, I think I'm gonna die."

Ana wraps her arms around him and leans down to kiss his cheek. "That's a bit dramatic, and we'll be there before you know it."

She slides in beside him and I sit on the other side. This is nice, us all together… I miss this more than words can say.

Elliot bounces in with a groggy Ava on his hip and Kate following close behind. I think about swiping all the knives from the table but the moment is gone.

There's a tension in the air all throughout breakfast that persist until we reach the hotel and split up. Not even Elliot and Teddy's idle banter or Ana's attempts to steer conversation into something all inclusive. Nope, it's clear that Kate hates me, but I feel as if it goes so much further than just the events that happened between myself and Ana.

Luckily the hotel provides for conversation in and of itself, and not even Kate can keep that iron jaw from moving. Sadly, Ava is sleep and they refuse to wake her for fear of a crying fit.

Although I suggested upgrading to something with a bit more security, Ana was steadfast that the hotel remained the same and now I see why.

The second we step out of the car it is incredibly clear as to why this resort is named The Art Of Animation. It's practically impossible to keep up with Teddy after check in.

One building is dedicated to the Lion King, which has larger than life gleaming sculpts of Simba and his little meerkat and warthog friends. There's also a replica of the elephant graveyard and those hyena characters.

Ana points out the other areas which he quickly runs to explore the similar Cars area, Finding Nemo area, and the Little Mermaid section. Which he happily reminds us to take pictures of so that we can show Marcus.

When he finally grows a bit tired, we make our way to our rooms. Elliot is in the Cars building, because this trip is more for him than his daughter. Ana, Teddy, and I are in the Finding Nemo building and I still cannot believe our sleeping arrangement.

###

My hand hovers over the door to our suite. Why did I give in to Teddy when he asked this? I really have to get over this divorce/broken family guilt and start saying no a bit more often. But it's hard to upset him regarding this matter when he doesn't fully understand and I don't want him to.

"Mommy, can you please hurry up. I have to go pee." He says with a little dance and I really want to avoid an accident so I quickly open the door and he flies through it.

Christian and I have the bags; Taylor offered to help but there weren't that many and I think Christian wanted him gone. And so both Taylor and Sawyer are surveying the resort and checking on security measures. It wouldn't be necessary if not for the fact that some dirty gossip rag has pictures of us at the aquarium and there are rumors circulating that Christian and I are on the mend.

Now I'm catching glimpses of shutterbugs and even people taking pictures on their phones. Marcus says that the right picture can pay someone's rent and that if ever he can't make a mortgage payment then he'll start selling them himself.

I know he's joking, but at the same time it's all so unsettling and reminds of when Christian and I got married and the fury on his face when he thought someone may have gotten a picture.

According to Elliot he was positively murderous when they got a picture of Teddy playing for some story on society kids, so I really hope everything is quiet on this end.

"Are you sure about this Ana?" He asks quietly. "I can grab another suite."

"Don't be silly." I say more to myself than him. "This is fine, this will be good. It's not like we are sleeping in the same bed."

He chuckles as we enter the suite and set our bags down. It's an adorable room, with the underwater theme all but kicking us in the face. I quickly notice the _too expensive to be at a Disney resort_ bedcoverings and when I look to Christian he is completely unapologetic. But I'm not angry, and really not surprised.

When Teddy comes out of the bathroom and claims the double bed next to his father (I am in a room all by myself), we face the nearly impossible task of telling him that we aren't going to any parks today and that he will have to wait until tomorrow after such a long journey.

He pouts, he wines, he cries a bit and then when we agree to take him to the pool and get him a cheeseburger for lunch, he makes a miraculous recovery.

This could be good…I hope this goes well.

**Let me start with sorry. I've been fighting this ear/viral thing that refuses to leave my system and is really uncomfortable so it's kind of been just work and Tylenol pm for the past while because my ears are really bothering and my mood is just blech.**

**Disney is kind of a hump and it's a bit downhill for a little while but there are still two or three chapters for Disney so let's have a little fun.**


	11. Disney Adventures Pt1

Song: **My Blood** by **Ellie Goulding**

Teddy is sobbing and both Christian and I are doing our best to calm him down but it's of little use. Elliot and Kate went off to buy some ice cream and grab fast passes for the Small World ride.

"Oh, honey it's okay…none of it was real." I try to soothe him by rubbing his back.

"But, but they were right there. All the ghosts were right there and they said they were coming home with us." He cries. "I don't want them to come home with us daddy."

I knew that haunted mansion ride was a bad idea. He got such a kick out of the movie and I thought we clearly explained that none of it was real. But going through the dark house and seeing the holographic ghost did not amuse him, and at the end of the ride when we swiveled to the mirror and saw ghosts in are reflections, he flipped. The fake green ghost appeared right where he was sitting I knew he wouldn't react well.

Christian frowns. "They aren't coming home with us, and if one of them tried then I would knock their block off." He asserts.

Teddy sniffs and wipes his nose on the back of his hand. "You promise?"

Christian crosses his heart. "Absolutely."

Teddy hops down from the ledge that he is sitting on and falls into Christian's arms. "Okay daddy. Can I get some candy now?"

I smile at his quick recovery and continue patting his back as Christian carries him.

We meet Elliot in front of the Small world ride with Ava happily licking an ice cream cone. He hands Teddy a popsicle and we find a small table near Fantasy Land while they all eat their frozen treats.

This is the first day of Disney parks and things were going well until that one ride, from now on no matter how much he pleads, we are not going on anymore rides that I find not age appropriate. Even if it means finding Taylor and Sawyer (who have somehow blended seamlessly into the crowd), and enlisting them to help pull him away.

After everyone is done and the kids (Elliot included) are cleaned up. We start ride hopping. First we hit the Small World ride which has both Ava and Teddy singing and their father's cringing at the talking doll nightmare that surrounds them.

The Winnie the Pooh ride starts out sweet enough, with the bear himself dreaming. But the dream quickly turns nightmare with neon bears and black lights. Surprising both of the kids are not afraid and enjoy riding in the oversized honey pots immensely.

After a quick stop for lunch. Teddy turns his desires to finding characters with his sights set on a few in particular.

The princess are more for Ava than him, but he still has a hard time hiding his excitement, especially when we meet Ariel. The poor girl nearly broke character when Teddy told her about Marcus and I think she may have broken some Disney law when she openly gawked at Christian and Elliot.

I think it's comical, Christian finds it annoying, Elliot is already picturing himself in a Disney movie, and Kate is slightly annoyed. I'm not sure what's up with her. Either she is completely distracted or irritated but she won't say why.

When we reach Mickey, my sweet little boy is awe struck.

"I think he loves this mouse than the both of us." Christian whispers into my ear, slightly startling me but I quickly recover.

"We didn't stand a chance." I say, continuing with my picture taking as Teddy bombards the character with questions it can't answer.

"Daddy and mommy come take a picture with me and Mickey Mouse!" he smiles.

The line is long, and I can't mull it over without being shoved out of line by some over enthused kids at my back. Ava is afraid of the costumed characters so only Elliot is with us.

"I'll take the pic." Elliot offers, quickly taking the camera from my hand.

With Christian on one side and I on the other, Teddy is in front of Mickey when Elliot snaps a few photos and we are off.

I fear that Teddy may be getting too comfortable with having Christian and I together and I hope he isn't too disappointed when we go home and things go back to our brand of normal.

On our way to Tomorrow world, filled with space ships and rides that have my son beginning us to move faster, I fall back and try to talk to Kate.

"What's wrong? You don't seem happy." I say quietly as the boys talk ahead of us and Ava snoozes in her stroller.

"Nothing Ana. I…I just think that we should have stayed home." She admits and I am taken aback.

"You didn't have to come. Elliot would have come without you." I remind with a frown.

Kate sighs. "It isn't that. It's just, there was an assignment in Spain and I wanted to go on it but Elliot and I fought and I just wish I hadn't relented."

"Kate, Spain is dangerous with those riots going on." I say, agreeing wholeheartedly with Elliot. I wouldn't even think of leaving Teddy so young for something that could be so dangerous.

She rolls her eyes. "But that is the life I pictured for myself. Running around the world, documenting important current events." She whispers. "I love Ava and Elliot, but I miss that dream I had for my life. I think just seeing you and Christian the way you were so happy…I just wasn't thinking."

"Are you honestly blaming us and regretting your family?" I ask in a quick whisper. How could she say and think something like that. Just because I married young and had a baby didn't mean that she had to. We are not the reason she isn't in some war torn area or reporting a royal wedding.

"No. No, I just…" she starts before closing her mouth and focusing ahead. "You know what, forget I mentioned it."

"Kate, we need to talk about this later." She's not getting off the hook so easy. I want to know what sparked this thinking and help her through it. She can't barrel over me when it comes to my decisions that involve Christian and then just shut me out.

If I have to hear her, then she has to hear me. It's only right.

She shakes her head and walks away from me.

Elliot turns to her but says nothing about her mood. He seems serious and I think something is going on that not even his good nature can hide.

When Kate opts not to ride anymore and instead turn her attention to her phone. Teddy, Christian, Elliot and I ride Space Mountain twice before finding decent spots for the light parade.

When the sky goes dark and Cinderella's castle lights up with different colored lights the parade starts. The characters where LED adorned garments and there are large glowing purple and green snails spinning and driving around. There are floats and Cinderella's pumpkin, Minnie and Mickey are there and at the end there is a great fireworks display.

At the end of the night, we have a few very exhausted and overwhelmed children that are just begging to be fed, bathed, and put to bed.

We say are strained goodbyes to Elliot, Kate, and Ava. Elliot leans over and whispers something in Christian's ear before following after his family to their room.

When we return to our sweet, we all take showers or bathes and dress in our pajamas. It may only be ten o'clock but I feel as if I have been running around for the past week.

With few words exchanged, besides the ones about Teddy and shared with Teddy. We all turn in, but my eyes have barely shut when my heart leaps into my throat and I am running into Teddy and Christian's shared room.

I flick on the light and find Teddy crying into Christian's chest as he sits on the edge of the bed.

I bend down in front of him and try to dry his eyes. I have a feeling I know what this dream was about.

"They were right here." He cries.

"No buddy, no one's here. Just me and your mom." Christian soothes.

"Can you guys sleep with me?" he pleads, his little eye and nose red.

"Yeah buddy." I say quietly. "But your bed is too small so let's go to mine." I say without thinking about how it may appear. I just want him to calm down and feel safe.

He snuggles into me and faces Christian who hesitantly slides into the bed.

We stare at each other until Teddy's breathing calms.

"I'm going to go back to my bed." Christian whispers.

Teddy little hand flies out and lands on his chest. "No daddy. You stay." He mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep.

Christian smiles and stays put. I am too tired to care.

"Ana?" he says quietly.

"Hmm?" I mumble. I'm too exhausted for real conversation.

"Thank you for this."

I shrug under the covers. "It's for the best." At least I think it is.

"Still, I want to thank you again." he yawns.

"You're welcome Christian. Now, shhh."

He chuckles. "He clearly gets his sleeping habits from you."

"Well at least I have one thing."

"That's not true. He has your eyes, your thoughtfulness and I am thankful for that."

"Why?"

"As long as he has those eyes, even if you never want to see me again after this, at least I'll have that piece of you when I am with him."

I feel my face redden and decide silence is best.

He doesn't make it easy to keep my guard up. But that doesn't mean it's not there, all it means is that it needs a bit of reinforcing.


	12. Bad News

Song: **Blue Eyes** by **Cary Brothers**

I gently shut the door on the now sound asleep children and quietly walk back to the common room where Elliot is lounging and munching on a slice of meat lovers pizza.

"They both down for the count?" He asked with mouth half full and hand poised to grab another slice.

I pick up a slice of my own and settle down in a chair adjacent to the couch. "Don't say that too loud, you may jinx us."

We were only a few hours into Lego Land when Teddy got sick and Ava through a fit over how uncomfortable the heat was making her. Ana is at her literary conference and Kate decided to stay in due to a _headache_. I can't place my finger on it, but something is wrong. Either she is pregnant or someone tripped the kill switch on her, to be honest it doesn't matter because neither one is good for this trip.

I called Ana and told her about Teddy, she said she would leave immediately but I assured her that everything was okay and that I could handle a little vomiting and crying. I have no doubts that he will be back to better in no time and demanding food and a trip to the arcade. It's late afternoon so we don't know if they will sleep through the night or get a new burst of energy.

"So, now that the children are asleep and the womenfolk are nowhere to be seen. I have to tell you that I think you are setting yourself up Christian. And you're not going to like the fallout."

I lean back in my seat and scrutinize him. I really gotta stop telling him things.

"You all think I haven't thought this through." I bite back.

"You haven't. Ana doesn't know what she wants, it's obvious." Elliot says, pulling the cheese from the pizza and shoving it into the crust. "She's like Kate in a store with a sweater she doesn't know if she wants. She picks it up, she puts it back. She hoards it for a bit and then stashes it in a corner. And then, just when she decides that it isn't for her, another woman comes along and right before the women lays her hands on it, she doubles back and snatches it away."

I shake my head. "I am not a sweater, and Ana is not doing that to me."

Elliot shrugs. "You're right, she hasn't even picked you up yet. She's just eyeing you from across the store."

I eye him for a long moment. I already pay one person to tell me about myself, I don't need my brother attempting to psycho analyze everything.

He leans back and his face sets into something much more serious. He's playing with the can of soda in his hand and is no longer looking at me, but studying the pepsi logo with great interest. "Sometimes…sometimes, I admire Ana for what she did."

Those words set my blood aflame but before I can explode, he continues.

"It would have been easier for her to stay. To make excuses for all the shit you did and the state of your marriage. It would have saved her the public humiliation of the divorce, all the explanations, and she may have been unhappy, but she wouldn't have been alone."

I lean in and continue to listen despite the fact that I want to punch him in the nose for his earlier statement.

"She left you, and that sucked. But what she did was brave, because at the end of day staying would have been cowardly. Not saying anything and allowing things to play in a continuous loop wouldn't have been okay." He says quietly, more to himself than to me. "At least now you know that if you two get together, it's because she wants to be with you, and not because she's afraid of being without you."

There is a silence between us that lasts for what feels like an eternity. Everything he said makes perfect sense, but I feel as if Ana and I aren't the only ones he's talking about. I lean over and knock on the table to break him out of his reverie.

"El, did something happen between you and Kate?" This trip isn't the first time I've seen them be okay one minute and at odds the next. But it feels like it's getting worse. And if I am not the only cheating Grey in the family, then it's bullshit that everyone allowed me to think I was. Two pieces of shit in the family may leave a foul smell, but at least they're not alone.

He shakes his head. "I didn't cheat if that's what you are getting at. I just think what I think and thought you should know."

"Then what's up with you and Kate? Even Ana mentioned she's been a bit off lately." I don't mention that I really don't appreciate Kate constantly buzzing in Ana's ear. In Marcus, I may not have an ally but at least I don't have an enemy.

"She's just going through some things. We'll get past this." The last statement sounded more like a hope than a declaration, but I said nothing.

I don't want to pry, and I can honestly say that the vast majority of the information Elliot has is because I told him. But I hope that whatever is going on will resolve itself, or that he would at least tell me if it got bad.

He's always so silly and happy go lucky, to see him brooding and well…like me; it's hard to watch.

Elliot bends over and grabs another slice. "But on a more serious note, you need to get laid and I'd bet good money you had some flashbacks about the good ole days while staring at a sleeping and unsuspecting Ana."

Good old Elliot, always finds a way to weasel out of a serious moment. "I did not think about banging my ex-wife while my son slept between us." I grind out.

He smirks. "But you have thought about her. Are you serious that you haven't been with anyone else?"

I scoff. "No."

"Why? I mean you guys weren't talking."

"Because I fucked up and lost my wife due to a laundry list of things. And it didn't make since to be with someone else even if it didn't mean anything, because it was never going to be her. No matter what way you sliced it, it wasn't her." I say, I leave out the fact that I never really tried to move on. When the reality of my situation got too tough, I either focused on business, my son, hit the gym, or hit Claude.

I guess, even though my relationship had ended in reality, in my head there was just no room for thoughts of another. To be honest, before Ana, I never pictured myself growing old with anyone and having a child. So being alone may not have been an idea that I liked, but it wasn't a new one.

"Well, at least you two are talking again and Ted seems to really be in his glories around you two. I never thought we'd all be together again." he smiles.

I say nothing. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I look down at my phone as it buzzes on the table and Elliot's chimes within his pocket.

We answer and I'm not looking, but I know that he is rolling his eyes the same way I am. Hypocritical, I know.

"Mia?" he sighs.

"You know it."

**M: **You asshats better buy me Minnie Mouse ears and send me more pictures of the kids! The only one who's sent me anything is Ana and that's complete crap when you all have phones!

"Are you going to answer her?" I ask.

Elliot laughs. "I'll let you do the honors."

I sigh and reply.

**C: **We've already purchased the things on your demand list and as far as pictures, if you are getting them from her, then why are you bothering us?

The reply is immediate.

**M: **Don't pull that shit. Mom and dad and I are still mad that you guys didn't give enough notice for us all to go. It's not like we were going to listen at the door to hear you and Ana banging. Heard it once and was completely traumatized. Much worse than when I walked in on mom and dad.

**C:** That's disgusting, Ana and I are not sleeping together, and there is a Disneyland in Paris.

"What she say?"

"Nothing I care to repeat." I say as Elliot chuckles.

**M:** Yeah, well I just think it's crap and you have to promise to go on another vacation the next time I am home.

**C:** And when would that be?

**M: **I give this Jaque and me thing another two months, one if he eats all the lucky charms again. So see you at the end of summer.

**C:** I don't approve of your relationships.

**M:** Well I approve of yours so I think a negative and a positive makes a positive. ;-)

**C:** That's wrong, and further proof that you bought all those math grades.

**M:** Money well spent! But I gotta go so I can wake up for work and get rid of this hangover. If I burn the restaurant down then who's gonna pay for that?

**C:** Me!

**M:** That a boy.

I stick my phone in my pocket and go to say something when I hear a quiet tapping someone nearby.

"Daddy, I want my daddy." Ava cries from behind the door.

"And that is my cue to take her back to her mother." Elliot stands and stretches before he makes his way to the room.

He comes back a few short seconds later with Ava at his feet. She rushes towards the pizza and pokes at the cheese. "Can I have?"

"Why don't you two sit down and stay?"

Elliot grabs a napkin and wraps up the pizza. "Nah, this one needs a bath and I'm sure mommy's headache is gone." He sighs.

Ava picks up a piece of pepperoni and offers it to me. I take it and pop it into my mouth. "Thank you." I say as she clamors into my arms.

"Welcoome." She smiles, playing with my fingers.

"Come on Ava, we are going back to our room." Elliot says in the soft, placating tone of his.

"No. I stay."

"No, you come here so we can go."

Ava pushes herself into me. For some reason, the kids touching my chest has little effect on me but I do realize it happening.

"No." she says and I see every inch of her mother in the word and finality of her tone.

Elliot unwraps the slice of pizza and takes a bite. " Fine, then I'm leaving and I am going to eat all your pizza." He says with his mouth full, a grin on his lips. He turns to leave and Ava catapults out of my arms and runs to latch herself onto his leg.

"No. Mine. It's mine." She cries before Elliot scoops her up and tears off a tiny piece of pizza for her to nibble on.

He grabs her diaper bag and makes from the door. "Call you later to finalize plans later bro."

"Send Kate my love." I mumble back.

"Oh yeah, she'd love that." He laughs. "Say bye bye honey."

"Bye bye honey." Ava parrots and we both chuckle as he leaves through the door.

I go to check on Teddy, who I am glad to have bathed and stuck in pajamas because I am sure that he is down for the counts. My poor little guy.

I leave him be and go back to the couch where I crack open my laptop and get to work, but not before I call Taylor and let him know that I am in for the night and when Ana gets back Sawyer can take the rest of the night off as well.

Surrounded by fish and obnoxious blue walls, I am pretty sure things will stay quiet.

It's only an hour and some change later that I hear Ana and Sawyer saying their goodbyes in hushed whispers. I call out to her but when I get no reply I go searching.

I find her sitting in the quiet stroking Teddy's head of curls.

"He's been out for a few hours. I don't think that he'll be up before morning." I say quietly, watching them together.

"I'm glad he's feeling better." She sniffs quietly.

I take a step closer but stop just short of the bed. In the pale moon light streaming through the window I can see the streaks of tears falling down her face and my heart aches at the sight.

"Ana…" I breathe out. "What's wrong?"

She gives Teddy a gentle kiss on the forehead and makes quickly for the door. She moves faster than anticipated, although the tight white pencil skirt and matching blouse she is wearing looked impossible to move in.

I follow after her, concerned and worried about what brought on her tears. She isn't answering me and when she goes into her room and shuts the door, I am afraid that she may never tell me. But I am will not be swayed.

"I'm not sure what's wrong, and I know you may not want to talk, but I am going to be right here until you are ready or if you need me." I say out loud but I am careful to not wake Teddy.

I lean against the wall across from her door and settle in for a long wait. I have my phone and I can at least wait until I know she is asleep. Even if I am not with her physically, I can still _be _here.

It's the only thing within my power to do.

###

Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.

I practically rip off my dress and throw on yoga pants and a tank top as the word ricochets in my head and fills my entire being with dread.

Since the phone call I have felt as if a lead weight has been heaped upon my chest and like I am trying to swallow back a brick.

All this time I had my suspicions and I did nothing. I should have done something! But I never thought, I never wanted to think that it would be something so harrowing.

The tears slipping past my lashes feel as if they are burning and I can't gather my thoughts as I pace and pray that this is all some tragic dream I will wake from.

But the longer I am in the silence of my room, and the longer I am alone, the heaviness of the situation becomes too much to bear. And then, I hear him.

He's not demanding to know what is wrong. He's not threatening to break the door down or have my phone hacked. He's just being there for me, in a way that seems entirely new to us.

I continue to pace and I practically chew my lip off while thinking of the past few hours on loop. It registers somewhere in the back of my mind, that an hour has passed before I tear open the door and find him there.

I don't know what I am doing as I stare at him. If I just wanted comfort I would call my mom, Jose, Marcus, or even Kate in her current state. But I don't want their words right now, I know that no one can ease this ache in my heart.

"Oh Ana." He breathes out.

I don't know why, but his words set me off and suddenly my silent sobbing is catching in my throat and my eyes are burning.

He doesn't say anything more, but pulls me into his arms and holds me. His warmth and the strength of his arms at my back makes my legs weak as I try to stay in control of my crying but fail miserably.

I feel his chin rest upon my head and we stay like that for a time until I feel as if I have no more tears to give.

"Ray has cancer." I say out loud for the first time. "It's serious."

I hear his sharp intake of air and as if my magic, a new batch of tears begin to fall.

He doesn't tell me it's going to be okay, and I am thankful that he is above promising me such a thing.

He says only one thing the rest of the night.

"We'll get through this Ana. I promise I won't let you go through this alone."

I think those words are the only reason I was able to sleep that night. And for the first time in years, I am thankful that he is by my side and I don't want him to leave.

**So I saw some of the reviews and I honestly didn't know that I had PM. I don't mess around too much with the website so it's a feature I've never messed with but I will turn it on. Also, the song choice was intentional, not so much because they fit with the entire chapter, just current frames of mind.**


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